Duggleby, Duggleby, scrim and scraw,
Fait accompli, monkey’s paw.
Wicker basket, cloister, hearth,
The benefits of an electric bath.
Duggleby’s lantern, Duggleby’s tent,
Who knows where Van Hooften went?
Lumbar puncture, lumber yard,
Janissary, janitor, sentry, guard,
Cuxhaven diphthongs and candy floss,
This paint’s matt, that paint’s gloss.
One must not forget emulsion
Nor attraction and repulsion.
Magnets! Magnets! Hopes and fears
And a pair of gardening shears.
He is still wet behind the ears
This rag will mop up all his tears.
Duggleby went to Banbury Cross
But he didn’t give a toss.
Crocus, marigold, fuchsia, egg.
Two-nil down in the second leg.
This paint’s blue, that paint’s pink.
Duggleby collapsed on the skating rink.
Van Hooften planned an imperial spree,
Mumbled threats, scrim and scree.
Is there a doctor in the house?
The grunt, the groan, the pang, the grouse,
The mordant herons on the bank
Oh the chains, the chains they clank.
Liposuction, fol de rol,
Cutting capers, eyeless doll.
Creeping past the graveyard tombs,
Distant gunfire, distant booms.
Squelchy pig boy, guttersnipe,
Linctus, soup, Gepetto’s pipe.
He has a jug but I have none.
Ah – he flew too near the sun.
That is why his jug is cracked.
Now we are ready for the final act.
Duggleby darned the curtains well.
Lilac scattered on tortoiseshell.
Notwithstanding Cav and Pag
He kept them in his pippy bag.
Duggleby, Duggleby, move along,
That’s the end of the Duggleby song.