This is just a quick reminder that last week was Our Lady Of Pituitary Glands, this week is the Goon Fang Pinocchio Of Camshafts, and next week is the Complacent Herons Of Totteridge & Whetstone.

Please ensure your beads and counters are correctly aligned, and that your cushions are appropriately embroidered. If you will be eating any figs next week, be sure to keep them in a covered bowl and tilt the bowl slightly on your shelf. You can do this by wedging a triple-folded cardboard bus ticket under one side of the bowl’s base. When all the figs have been eaten and the bowl is empty, smash it, but do not smash it in the fireplace. There should be a cordon sanitaire around the fireplace from the week of Packaging Gnawed By Stoats to the week of Notorious Civil Engineering Scandals. Shoelaces ought to be tied according to the Winckelmann formula. Diagrams for guidance can be downloaded from the website at:

http://www.Winckelmannformulashoelacetyingguidancediagrams.com/

Winckelmann/formula/Sir_Arthur_Conan_Doyle/I_I_who_have_nothing.html.