In homage to George Orwell’s egg counting mania, I decided it would be an excellent idea to begin the new year by launching – to much fanfare, of course – Frank Key’s Squirrel Count™. I can think of nothing that would excite readers quite as much as learning how many squirrels I have seen each day. So, to the sound of tooting horns and shrill whistle-blasts, with flags and banners flying, and perhaps some clowns cavorting upon a specially-built platform, here is the very first bulletin from Frank Key’s Squirrel Count™ 2009.
01.01.09 Six squirrels, or possibly three squirrels each seen twice.
i remember my stalker once asking if i would like to hear how she killed squirrels. i think she’d constructed some sort of death-trap for them and left it in her garden. It was at that point that i realised she wasn’t merely troubled but good serial killer potential.