Oi, you lot. Mr Key has just popped out to a kiosk on an errand, and while he’s gone I want to have a quick word with you.

In a few weeks’ time, we will be marking the birthday of gentle baby Jesus, who grew up to become Christ Our Saviour. People celebrate the occasion, not by prostrating themselves before the old rugged cross and begging for the Lord’s mercy, but by giving each other presents. Being a git, I do not quite understand this, but that’s how it is.

And that being the case, what better gift could you lot give your loved ones than a Hooting Yard paperback? Imagine their Christmas morning glee when, expecting socks or piffle, they unwrap from its wrappings a book cram-packed with sweeping paragraphs of majestic prose by Mr Key!

If you go to the main page and cast your eyes over the sidebar you will find no fewer than nine paperbacks to choose from, plus a hardback and an ebook. That is eleven happy friends and family members who will have their noses stuck in a book on Christmas Day!

Meanwhile, do not forget poor scribbling Mr Key himself. All year he has been bashing out this stuff for your entertainment and moral edification, and you have been able to read it free of charge. Why not show your appreciation by making a donation, either a one-off pittance or a regular monthly amount? You’ll find Paypal links in the sidebar below the books.

Be sensible. And a very merry Christmas to you all.

The Hooting Yard Duty Git