Far away in the Antipodes, Glyn Webster has been pondering the terrible choice the lieutenant-colonel had to make between the muffins, on one side of his breakfast table, and the loaded pistols on the other. The result of Mr Websterâ€™s exercising of his cranial integuments is this splendid heraldic device:
I pointed out to Mr Webster that the muffins shown were unlikely to be the type of muffins which caused the lieutenant-colonel his dyspeptic atrocities. When you print out the device â€“ and note I say â€œwhenâ€, not â€œifâ€ â€“ you may use Tippexâ„¢ and a pencil to adjust the muffins to your preferred muffin-type should you so desire. But remember the religious ruling which states â€œuncertainty of muffin-type is no great sinâ€.
Incidentally, Mr Webster has been reading Zoonomia by Erasmus Darwin, and has found â€œmany alarming stories about pistolsâ€, but not the one involving the lieutenant-colonel and his muffins. Was De Quincey making it up?
I feel that anyone truly wishing to ‘enjoy’ a muffin should have a ‘muffineer’ to hand at all times…
One could have the muffineer engraved with a personal heraldic device..
To complete the muffin consumption experience why not lay your hands on a copy of the Zappa/Beefheart waxing ‘Bongo Fury’,
engage the final track (Muffin Man) and commence gourging…
(Those of a pious nature should substitute Blueberry/Double-Choc-Chip/Toffee variants for Shaker Muffins
I like the modernity of the muffins contrasted by the obviously obsolete pistols. Perhaps the English text could be replaced by Latin, or if Mr. Webster lacks the Latin required for such a translation then pig-latin would do.
“melior haud vita procul totus quam a vita dismantled of muffins”