While we are on the subject of gormlessness, I think praise is due to John Philbin, the man who organised the completely fake press conference for the US government agency Fema. No reporters turned up for the last minute briefing, so the resourceful Mr Philbin got agency staff to pose as hacks and ask questions. When the ruse was exposed, he explained: “I did not have good situational awareness of what was happening”. This seems to me to be a splendid way of saying “I haven’t got a clue what’s going on”, and I intend to use it often as I bumble through life perplexed and befuddled, as I do. I think it will also be a good idea to retitle the story below Tiny Enid And The Nipper With Poor Situational Awareness.