Long, long ago, in what seems like another life, I used to be paid a pittance to write capsule film reviews. Since then, I have always had great respect for those who have mastered what is a bewilderingly difficult form, summarising a film (or a book, or a play, or whatever) in one or two sentences. I was prompted to recall my own faltering steps in the art by the television listings in todayâ€™s Guardian. There are four films on the terrestrial channels tonight, with only BBC2 eschewing cinema, in favour of snooker. And what an inspired choice the viewer has! Here are condensed versions of the (uncredited) capsule reviews:
BBC1, 11.20 : The Ghost And The Darkness : tedious adventure.
ITV1, 11.05 : Showtime : leaden action comedy.
Channel Four, 10.00 : Happy Gilmore : feeble sports comedy.
Five, 10.00 : The Glimmer Man : dull and clichÃ©-ridden action thriller.