One of the most eagerly-anticipated awards in the arts calendar is Hooting Yard’s Best Title Of A Film About Bees Made Within The Last Five Years. We only make this award after a rigorous selection process, fuelled by many, many cups of piping hot tea in Mrs Gubbins’ space-age kitchenette parlour.
I am delighted to announce that the 2007 Award goes to William Bishop-Stephens for Bee Control In City Parks. He wins a toffee apple with bite marks which, a dentist tells me, could well have been made by fictional athlete Bobnit Tivol immediately after he won the 1966 Blister Lane Bypass Sprint Hurdles Cup And Saucer in a then record time of eight hours, sixteen minutes and forty-four seconds.
Well done, Will, and I am sure all Hooting Yard readers will take the opportunity to watch your splendid film.
Thank you very much Frank and Mrs Gubbins. I now hold evidence of some of the dental secrets of Bobnit Tivol, which will be the envy of my friends and associates.
Following a request from a Hooting Yardee I have uploaded Bee Control in City Parks onto Google Video, which means people can watch it at work without Anti-download alarms going off and unpleasant trapdoors opening up in the floors and ceilings, unleashing who knows what horrors.
Thanks again.
I must go now, to parade up and down with my toffee apple.
Thank you, Will, for giving us an insight into the seldom-glimpsed world of bee stress. Who knew that they were forced to spend long minutes only millimetres from a screen, or being given a workload (Monitoring trees, dogs AND birds?!) that is obviously too large for them?
I can only hope that they’re considering strike action.
Yes, thank you Will. Your film has confirmed, to me at least, that the unusual circumstances I often encounter in municipal parks are the responsiblity of unseen forces and not my alcohol intake.
Outa_Spaceman and Pansy Cradledew (THE Pansy Cradledew?)-I am touched and honoured by your encouragements.
Dear Will,
Thank you so much for bringing this to the world’s attention. I can only imagine that had the proper bee control been in place in the United States many many years ago, things would not have gone to hell in a hand basket in such a speedy fashion and with such dire results. I feel we owe the rest of the world an apology for not having fostered bee control of parks, birds, dogs, trees and Bushes several decades ago. I will rally my fellow beekeepers, The Sangre de Cristo Beekeepers of New Mexico, so we can start working on this immediately.
We’ll keep you posted.
Amy