Today is a very special day at Hooting Yard. It’s Yoko Ono’s 74th birthday. Just as the people of Tanna, in Vanuatu in the South West Pacific, worship the Duke of Edinburgh as a god, we here at Hooting Yard recognise the divinity of Yoko.
Our devotion took a bit of a battering a few years ago when Mrs Gubbins dallied with Yokonetics, but a course of brain-sluicing with Baxter’s Terrible Fluid and a visit from Yoko’s lawyer set her back on the true path.
If anyone wants me, I shall be spending this special day in that field near Blister Lane Bypass, sitting in a bag with wool wrapped round my legs, screaming.
I will sit atop the highest purple hill of Hoon offering pairs of scissors to intrepid wayfaring rucksack persons. Encouraging them to cut pieces from my noisome rags whilst I enjoy the blindfold knitting of balaclavas for our boys at the front.
>I shall be spending this special day in that field near Blister Lane Bypass, sitting in a bag
Do be careful, Mr Key. The Yokonetics article suggests Ms Ono can be litigious about any ‘supposed personal appearance’ and (to judge by the above illustration) you do look spookily like her.
I always wondered about the “Blister Lane Bypass” – is it some un-named road that bypasses Blister Lane, or perhaps a road called Blister Lane that bypasses some other nameless street or conurbation.
Could I just take a moment of denizens time to advertise my Photo-shop Body Double services.