In Notes & Queries in today’s Grauniad, Cameron Smith of Barcelona lays bare his heart-wrenching emotional turmoil:

I have a dislike of inappropriate buttons, whether it is buttons for decoration, clothes with too many buttons for the function required, or just old buttons. They leave me feeling uncomfortable, like clowns or Victorian medical equipment.

Hooting Yard’s Inappropriate Buttons Helpline should be up and running in the near future, once our staff are fully trained in this important field of mental and emotional wellbeing.