Spite For Dabblers

Dabbler-3logo (1)This week in The Dabbler I pose a tricky problem one might encounter in the game of Spite, or Lantern Jaw as it is known in some circles. Amateurs ought not to be intimidated by the seemingly “expert” solutions posited in the Comments, all of which so far – to my eye, at least – have the fatal flaw of mistaking Spite for a card game. A simple enough error, I suppose, considering that the symbols

heart club diamond spade

are employed, but any truly experienced Spiteologist will know that these denote something wholly different from the hearts and clubs and diamonds and spades of the standard card game, so different indeed that to gain a full understanding one needs to have one’s brain artificially modified by the Blötzmann Procedure, from whence there is no turning back. It is true that everyday life can become somewhat problematic after the modification, but the benefits to one’s Spite skills are immense and glorious and majestic, so only a pipsqueak would dare to complain or, ruinously, to pursue Blötzmann through the courts.

One thought on “Spite For Dabblers

  1. For as long as I can remember, I have found everyday life somewhat problematic and wonder if, at an early age, in some kind of administrative blunder, I underwent the Blötzman brain modification procedure by accident, instead of getting a boil lanced or having a saucepan removed from my head.

    I should pull out my old dusty box of “Lantern Jaw”, have a game, and see if my playing is immense, glorious or majestic. If they are, I will instruct my solicitors to sue the pants off this Blötzman customer or the NHS.

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