I am delighted to announce a fantastic innovation here at Hooting Yard, the Hooting Yard Red Button. It has been developed by a dotcom startup run by twelve-year-olds. Here’s how it works:

While reading the latest effusion pouring out of Mr Key’s head, press the Hooting Yard Red Button to reveal a selection of options to enrich your Hooting Yard experience. Among them:

● Automatic translation into Dothraki.

● Exciting new colour schemes.

● Background music by Scriabin, Cornelius Cardew, or Xavier Cugat.

● A virtual fug of fumes from virtual acrid Serbian pipe tobacco.

● Water on the knee.

● Invasion of big lumbering magnetic robots from outer space.

NOTE : This is the “omega” version of the technology, and may not work properly on your computer, handheld device, iMonkey, or pneumatic parpophone.