The Hooting Yard 2003-2006 Archives

December 2006

Strange Norwegian soup, Little Alphonso, the Holy Sisters of Headaches & Dismay, and a souvenir cardigan from the Ayn Rand Exposition at Jakarta

Sunday 24th December 2006
Befuddled by Cormorants
Plovdiv Lenses
Tuesday 19th December 2006
“This wheelbarrow is metallic and green… I…”
Black Molly
In the Bleak Midwinter
Wednesday 13th December 2006
“One day the Lord gathered together all…”
Paupers' Drool
Monday 11th December 2006
“Found wandering in a confused state in…”
Quayside Harpy
The Children's Crusade
Thursday 7th December 2006
“All that is round is not a…”
Dobson and Longevity

November 2006

Pope Benedict loses his mental and moral balance. Meanwhile, we examine the potatoes of Potatovag, provide some handy hints on the use of glue, and once again encounter Mad Old Farmer Frack.

Wednesday 29th November 2006
“Shut your mouth, wine-drinking Pontiff!”
Placard of the Year
The Potatoes of Potatovag
Monday 27th November 2006
“Ayn Rand is the greatest human being…”
Glue : Some Do's and Don'ts
Sunday 26th November 2006
Untitled Work in Progress

September 2006

What Would Dobson Do?, Blodgett's Jihad - featuring a cartoon of the prophet Mohammed - some magnetic mute blind love monkeys from a planet far, far away, and a towering hollyhock or two.

Friday 15th September 2006
“We have visited the pretty English burial-ground,…”
Wednesday 13th September 2006
“Drunkenness, immorality and disease go hand in…”
Blodgett's Jihad
Monday 11th September 2006
“On ships, attempts to melt the ice…”
Pilbrow Two and the Love Monkeys
Monday 4th September 2006
“My blue potato is part of the…”
Far Far Away
Saturday 2nd September 2006
“The following is a list of lunar…”
Rose Garden

August 2006

The Song of the Grunty Man, much pig-related material, Katherine Mansfield, and howler monkeys. Fully illustrated.

Thursday 31th August 2006
“‘Your allotted time has long since expired,…”
Truant Nomenclature
Radio Transcript
Tuesday 8th August 2006
“Who alive, for instance, knows all the…”
Some Death Notices
Song of the Grunty Man
Friday 4th August 2006
“It is an easy matter for any…”
Days O' Bootpolish
Thursday 3rd August 2006
“He who begins with crutches will generally…”
A Further Note on Pigs
Wednesday 2nd August 2006
“…went to the most best museum this…”

July 2006

The Pointy Town Seabird Rescue Service, zonk-eyed boffins, clanging bells, Jethro Tull, Anthony Burgess, and the unspeakably squalid becrumplement of an unlikely fictional character. All this and more awaits the diligent archive-reader.

Sunday 30th July 2006
“Now, if the tuning hammer is placed…”
A Note on Pigs
Tuesday 25th July 2006
“Sophistry might shake, blandishment bend, sex-affinity blight,…”
Cake and Pastry Person
Monday 24th July 2006
“I see the children growing up. I…”
The Weird Spinney
God News
Ruth Pastry Writes, Again
Saturday 22nd July 2006
“The political system is designed to be…”
The Unspeakably Squalid Becrumplement of Tadzio Gobbo
Thursday 20th July 2006
“As I searched feebly among the unmaterial…”
Reader Profile
Ruth Pastry Writes
Tuesday 18th July 2006
“Turner's head ached. He felt of his…”
Docent With a Speech Impediment
Testimony of a Tundist : The End
Sunday 16th July 2006
“The poetry is drugged, and as we…”
A Boon for Scholars
Where Are They Now? No. 12 : Tad Wensleydale
And About Time Too…
Friday 14th July 2006
“[Charles II] smilingly remarked that it must…”
The Thing
My Hero
World of Birds
Tuesday 4th July 2006
“Once, in passing through my chamber, my…”
Splendidly Useful Definition

June 2006

Much to inspire the attentive reader, including anagrams of Tord Grip, some mad Arabs H P Lovecraft neglected to mention, fiends of the farmyard, the attempted seduction of Dobson by a floozie, and Men With Whisks!

Wednesday 28th June 2006
“The wind was howling like a thousand…”
Mad Arabs
The Adventures of the Men With Whisks
Sunday 25th June 2006
“He wanted to know from actual knowledge…”
Scenes From The Adventures of the Men With Whisks : Number One
Pipistrelle Pursuivant
Thursday 15th June 2006
“These loathsome monsters - call them squids,…”
Hidden Fictional Athlete Quiz
Attempted Seduction of Dobson by a Floozie
Wednesday 14th June 2006
“‘Let me defend you, Lucio, from the…”
Fiends of the Farmyard
And When Did You Last See Your Potatoes?
Monday 12th June 2006
“Sometimes the communications came from a Martian…”
Spot the Flaw
The Language of Futbol
Saturday 10th June 2006
“The only new publications are about celebrities,…”
World Cup Anagram Contest
Bright Ideas
Thursday 8th June 2006
“It would be absurd and ridiculous to…”
Testimony of a Tundist & Related Matters
Fort Hoity
Hooting Yard Music Prize 2006

May 2006

Twenty billion years of apocalyptic ballyhoo, a howling dog in a rowing boat, a consumptive shoemaker, and a gratuitous lawnmower illustration.

Sunday 14th May 2006
“Who but a man diverted from the…”
One of the Commonest Questions…
Tuesday 2nd May 2006
“The vapours of earth may indeed for…”
Answers to Readers' Questions
Just as We Divide…
Gratuitous Lawnmower Illustration
Monday 1st May 2006
“I went to visit a consumptive shoemaker;…”
Slowly but Surely…
Is Jesus Irresponsible?
Dog in Boat

April 2006

An embittered sludge person, Arnold Bax, how to check that the Pope is dead, potato clocks, obnosis, Dutch gruel ... what more could you ask for?

Sunday 30th April 2006
“[Mr Jones] wrote that he had never…”
Invaluable Cardinals
The Most Thorough Account…
Saturday 29th April 2006
“Bladud was the only child of the…”
The Slovenly Gibbets
Bax Mag
I Became a Tundist…
Monday 17th April 2006
“I sat down upon my bed with…”
Medical Notes on a Mezzotintist
Dobson the Convict
Useful Information
Sunday 16th April 2006
“To make Stars that will expand in…”
How to Stick Pins Into a Wax Doll of Your Enemy
Tuesday 11th April 2006
“I cannot see how a Christian, who…”
Dutch Gruel
That Dobson-hubbard Slur
Monday 10th April 2006
“Were it not for the lower order…”
The Potato Clock : History and Prospects
Stoat in a Bog
Bert Trautmann
Saturday 8th April 2006
“It is a little curious, considering the…”
Lugubrious Fool
Sun Worship
Prattle About Reading
Thursday 6th April 2006
“There seems to be no good reason…”
Don't Say I Didn't Warn You
Wish Upon a Star
Wednesday 5th April 2006
“A man who from youth had become…”
Frequently Asked Question
Basil and Guido and Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Tich
Sunday 2nd April 2006
“The true house fly is very abundant…”
Embittered Sludge Person

March 2006

A cow called Ultravox (really), weird cooing, Basil and Guido from Dr Blodgett's Terpsichorean Academy For Keen Young Chaps, fear eats the soul, and a cranky pagan pudding recipe. And much more besides. Take a packed lunch.

Friday 31th March 2006
“The door opened, and a figure representing…”
Basil and Guido's Kropotkin Fanfaronade
Thursday 30th March 2006
“I went with my curiosity well aroused…”
Feral Childhood
A Hymn
Tuesday 28th March 2006
“Does any boy's conscience smite him at…”
Dances With Blodgett
All Ears
Fear Eats the Soul
Monday 27th March 2006
“Sir Hubert von Herkomer was a Bavarian-born…”
The Lure of Junk
Pindar Widgery, the Pint-sized Provocateur
Sunday 26th March 2006
“Coleridge is one of our great men…”
Friday 24th March 2006
“The following are a few of the…”
Nomenclature of Cows
What Ails Thee, Weeping Orphan?
Heraldic Ostrich, Owl, Swan, Popinjay
Thursday 23rd March 2006
“The device stood about shoulder-high, with a…”
Elbow Room
The Formosan Alphabet
Cranky Pagan Pudding Recipe
Tuesday 21st March 2006
“The pursuit of the Inner Child has…”
The Crooked Timber of Humanity
Saturday 18th March 2006
“Hark! what plunged from the bank -…”
Squirrels : Emissaries From the Beyond?
Potted Autobiography
Tuesday 14th March 2006
“Anger, despair, ferocity, hunger, terror - all…”
He Preened, Eating Bloaters
Monday 13th March 2006
“There's a big difference between dancing on…”
Blotzmann's Bird Psychology Diagram : Correction
Saturday 11th March 2006
“Each nation has its own method of…”
Blotzmann's Bird Psychology Diagram
Thursday 9th March 2006
“I am going to outline for you…”
Epoch of Snares
An Anvil Cloud
Monday 6th March 2006
“What has happened to Dwight? Something that…”
O Cure Me
Living With Alf
Was Dobson a Visionary?
Saturday 4th March 2006
“These are just sample bothers - shaving,…”
The Immense Duckpond Pamphlet
Famous Inn Signs of Hooting Yard : Number One
Revelations Regarding Old Halob

February 2006

A thoroughly exciting month, packed with delights including Bucephalus and the cephalopods in the Bosphorus, a decoy duck, plastic baubles and plastic sheeting, the anniversary of the 1958 Munich Air Disaster, custard, buttercups, specks in the sky, and tips on saving your swan in the event of a bird flu pandemic.

Monday 27th February 2006
“Experiment : Procure a wide-mouthed bottle, an…”
Z Is for Zincograph
Sunday 26th February 2006
“Home, that spot to which his heart…”
Bucephalus and the Cephalopods in the Bosphorus
Y Is for Yaws
Saturday 25th February 2006
“This work is absolutely incomprehensible, even to…”
Hooting Yard on the Air : The Podcasts
This Week's Decoy Duck
X Is for X
Thursday 23rd February 2006
“So far as my knowledge goes the…”
Certain Aspects of Plastic Baubles and Plastic Sheeting
W Is for Water
Tuesday 21st February 2006
“The trade is not what it was…”
Rainer Werner Ringbinder
V Is for Violence
Dispense, Dispense!
Monday 20th February 2006
“He was of medium height, thin and…”
U Is for Unstrebnodtalb
Saving Your Swan
Saturday 18th February 2006
“If his experiences of the previous evening…”
A Plethora of Links
T Is for Trellis
Gluten-free Jabbering Man
Friday 17th February 2006
“The lighting of the exposition can barely…”
The Ogsby Steering Panel
Picture Post
S Is for Spats
Tuesday 14th February 2006
“I am a buttercup golden and free…”
Identification With Buttercups
Cursed Crowfoot
R Is for Rigor Mortis
Specks in the Sky
Monday 13th February 2006
“An Estonian friend who came here as…”
Breakfast of Hideousness!
Q Is for Quintain
Saturday 11th February 2006
“Among the earliest natural marvels that modernity…”
Bonkers Alibis
Saints and Flatworms
P Is for Planaria
Friday 10th February 2006
“Having first tested the air and proved…”
O Is for Ogre
Unidentified Insect on Postage Stamp
Blazing Excelsior Saturated With Turpentine
Wednesday 8th February 2006
“When did Hats come into general use?…”
The Hat of Hudibras
N Is for Night
Pansy's Picture Library
Tuesday 7th February 2006
“About an hour before the ship was…”
A Message to Readers From Fatima Gilliblat
Elegant Smudges
M Is for Moop
Monday 6th February 2006
“Rome! the fortieth day of rain, and…”
L Is for Larders
Sunday 5th February 2006
“We have all of us different Souls,…”
Win With Dick
K Is for Kleptomania
Come Trudge With Me
Friday 3rd February 2006
“Doctor Diabolus grinned wickedly as he mentally…”
J Is for Jubble
A Lesson in Humility
Ten Days in a Ditch
Thursday 2nd February 2006
“For convenience the following list is inserted…”
Regarding That Vox Pop Orphan
I Is for Index
Wednesday 1st February 2006
“Had Cowper been permitted to live more…”
H Is for Haruspices
Bees in Bonnets

January 2006

The new year begins with a series of unfortunate cows, stunned starlings, Rex Harrison and his son Noel, a Lembit Opik lookalike, and Sago the Pang Hill orphan. Oh, and a pontificating fruitarian.

Monday 30th January 2006
“An ingenious Frenchman has invented and patented…”
Vox Pop : A Pang Hill Orphan Speaks
G Is for Gabbitas
Some Notes on Compartments
Sunday 29th January 2006
“A man of strong tastes with a…”
F Is for Food
Tiny Little Hands, Decisive Mustachios
Friday 27th January 2006
“One John Ryland of Northampton, published a…”
Pirated Hooting Yard Merchandise
Another Vlasto
E Is for Euwige
Thursday 26th January 2006
“As he stood there musing, the door…”
D Is for Doctor Cack
Cow Homework
Google News
Wednesday 25th January 2006
“Archer's hopes sank. It was easy to…”
A Series of Unfortunate Cows
C Is for Corpse
Tuesday 24th January 2006
“His commands to the labourers were substantially…”
The Gnawed and the Chewed
B Is for Blodgett
Monday 23rd January 2006
“Stealing a little to one side, and…”
Who Is Tristan Shuddery?
Preamble to A Is for Aminadab
A Is for Aminadab
Surgeon's Biscuit
Sunday 22nd January 2006
“Apes are not just our kin, they…”
Stunned Starlings
Sunday 8th January 2006
Blodgett Island : The Adventure Continues
Friday 6th January 2006
A Third Episode of Blodgett Island

December 2005

A Christmas treat in the shape of two episodes from Blodgett And His Pals Hanging Around On A Mysterious Island After Surviving A Plane Crash.

Sunday 25th December 2005
A Special Christmas Treat, Part Two
Saturday 24th December 2005
A Special Christmas Treat for All Our Readers

October 2005

Learn everything you need to know about the shelling of peas, the Magic Mountain, Ayn Rand's funeral song, English composer William Hurlstone, and the giant terrifying mountains of Tantarabim.

Monday 17th October 2005
“In form and movement the woodchuck is…”
Did You Know?
Prolix in a Jiffy
Tuesday 11th October 2005
“If you wish to become weak-headed, nervous,…”
The Magic Mountain
Monday 10th October 2005
“The conditions of life in the sixteenth…”

September 2005

Zeigler and Locke, wisps and clumps, the magnificent Ukrainian bee counting game, and a picture of a stormy petrel are among this month's undoubted highlights.

Friday 30th September 2005
“Here is a list of tools and…”
Wisps and Clumps
This Week's Stormy Petrel
A New Poem by Dennis Beerpint
Thursday 29th September 2005
“What do we now see? Midnight! -…”
Cemetery Birds
Ukrainian Postage Stamp Bees
Thursday 22nd September 2005
“People with inconveniently long memories recalled a…”
Am I Obsessed by Bees?
A Thrilling Yarn
Monday 19th September 2005
“We chill the kindling warmth in other…”
Home From the Hills
Pabstus Tack
Sunday 4th September 2005
“From the day that consciousness came to…”
Horse Begone
Billy Parallelogram
One of Weems' Henchmen, From the Billy Parallelogram Strip
Friday 2nd September 2005
“Coming to London, he went into Paul's…”
Tadeusz Kapisko and His Ears of Wheat
Forgery News
Give Me a Glossary
Thursday 1st September 2005
“The Humane Voice is Air, impregnated, and…”
Chinese Trouser Mountain
When Haddo-haddo Becomes Musto ; Or, the Greaves of Way-o
Chains and Waters

August 2005

Read all about hendiadys in Mudchute, Reginald Bosanquet, The Bog People by P V Glob, the smashed god, a dream about Roy Kinnear, cows, blubber, tallow and tin... and not to forget the darning-needle of destiny!

Monday 29th August 2005
“When I was some years younger than…”
Reginald Bosanquet
A Dobson Anecdote
Friday 26th August 2005
“Of course, you know my friend the…”
Destiny's Darning-needle Pierced My Very Soul
Thursday 25th August 2005
“Rumour among us had it that Marnick…”
Bird Flu News
El Rancho Anomalous
Wednesday 24th August 2005
“No one should put any trust in…”
Title and Author
And I Shall Walk
Clamour for Tin
Tuesday 23rd August 2005
“A celebrated poet, occasionally a little absent…”
The Smashed God
Where's Old Halob?
Belated Ellipsis News
Monday 22nd August 2005
“The so-called bag, however, is smaller in…”
Nomenclature of Diminutive Persons Who Plunge Down 150-ft Cliffs and Survive With Hardly a Scratch
Metal of the Week : Tin
Friday 19th August 2005
“Sunday, August 7th. In afternoon with Father…”
My Unknown Boswell
Murder in the Murk
Evidence That Chlorine Winslow Bore an Uncanny Resemblance to Madame Helena Blavatsky
Wednesday 17th August 2005
“As a simple example, I will state…”
Another World
Other Places, Other Names
Hendiadys in Mudchute
Tuesday 16th August 2005
“As I was talking with them one…”
Fan Fiction Fad
Map Pursuant to the Item Below
Railway Forecast
Map Pursuant to the Item Above
Thursday 11th August 2005
“She gave him a key to the…”
Last Night's Dream
Dietary News
Tuesday 9th August 2005
“The ivy and holly an' pine rukks…”
Impending Juxtaposition of Blubber and Tallow
Cow News
Through Clenched Teeth
Sunday 7th August 2005
“I have, however, included a column on…”
Some Lesser-known Editions of the Bible
The Agony in the Garden
Thursday 4th August 2005
“Before uncorking the varnish bottle, it occurred…”
Weathering the Storm
A Pedant Writes

July 2005

The Bilgewater Elegies, the debut of fictional athlete Bobnit Tivol, homage to Bernard Cribbins, calor gas, larder tips, Jesus, cake news, and a fop in a quandary. Who could ask for more?

Thursday 28th July 2005
“Exquisite are the lessons of the WHEAT.”
It Was Dusk
Tuesday 26th July 2005
“I saw, dimly, the monstrous god that…”
The Bilgewater Elegies
Sunday 24th July 2005
“Rusterich, one of the Teutonic gods, was…”
The Cribbins Research Institute
Bobnit Tivol
Spot the Nun Competition Results
Thursday 21st July 2005
“Though the sun is poised in the…”
Local Recipe Map
Paragraph About a Pooch
A Snapshot From the History of Athletics
Wednesday 20th July 2005
“But what could strangers see of it?…”
The Evil Bakery
God Almighty
Friday 15th July 2005
“It was one of those super-expensive makes…”
Cake News
Spot the Nun
Team Hooting Yard
Tuesday 12th July 2005
“Their strong Holds have all the open…”
Fop in a Quandary
Our Lady of the Railings
Pompous Lip-reader
Friday 8th July 2005
“989. Daedalus and his nephew Talus invent…”
The New Goat
Sunday 3rd July 2005
“There is no reason why he should…”
Larder Tips
Bronchitis Person's Helicopter Journey

June 2005

So much to read that you may get an attack of the vapours. Lusty jocund swains, the bottomless viper-pit of Gaar, dispatches from O'Houlihan's Wharf, wafers, woods and killer bees, among much else.

Thursday 30th June 2005
“Athwart that dream came a sudden, frightful,…”
The Groist
For Your Attention
Bolster Your Shabbiness
Wednesday 29th June 2005
“The inclusion of the husk or shell…”
Shem, Ham, Japheth and Minnie Crunlop
Apropos of Noah's Ark
Saturday 25th June 2005
“Slowly the moon came out and splashed…”
Picnic for Detectives
Thursday 23rd June 2005
“There lay exposed a strange little brown…”
Me and My Homunculus
Mrs Gubbins and Mr Smith
Tuesday 21st June 2005
“Another Stratagem is, to give strange and…”
Let Us Now Praise Greenland
Mustard? Custard!
Monday 20th June 2005
“We ask you to be so good…”
Fictional Substance of the Week
Spot the Ichor
Sieves and Basins
Sunday 19th June 2005
“Nothing is interesting unless it is catalogued.”
Ornamental Pond Guilt
A Sinful Secret
Saturday 18th June 2005
“Methodically he got ready. He rigged up…”
Bored With Bees
Hoon Hing Boom Bang a Bang
Thursday 16th June 2005
“Not all of those who have been…”
Sag Mir Wo Die Blumen Sind?
An Eye for a Bargain
How to Look After a Horse
Tuesday 14th June 2005
“Another blessed ‘passing-over’ I viewed was that…”
Name That Seismologist
Here Be Butterscotch
Monday 13th June 2005
“It was pretty generally believed a few…”
Hold on to Your Hat
Two Hats and a Hog
Those Gubernatorial Bells
Saturday 11th June 2005
“The First Reader was mostly in words…”
The Story of the Lame Dog, the Caged Bird, the Drowned Cat, the Gold Watch, the Whisky Boy and the Insane Boy
The Majesty of Parliament
A Bag on Your Foot
Friday 10th June 2005
“Tasmania shows us her animal freak, the…”
Indignant Pansy
Train Your Brain
Wednesday 8th June 2005
“She had no way of knowing how…”
A Reminder About the Allocation of Weeks
The Taxonomy of Ducks, Swans and Geese Is in a State of Flux
The Voice of Dobson?
Tuesday 7th June 2005
“A fondness for trifles is certainly no…”
The Lure of Lists
Killer Bees : The Mystery Solved
The Orchard
Monday 6th June 2005
“Again there was that uncanny effect of…”
Birds That Go on Water
A Pedant's Righteous Nostrums
Some Other Woods
Saturday 4th June 2005
“Who does not know, that the low-burlesque…”
Wafers, Vile and Otherwise
Friday 3rd June 2005
“In 1766, we find Louis XV, with…”
More About Swans
Two Gunthers
Thursday 2nd June 2005
“Good God! what punishment can be too…”
Titans of the Silver Screen
How I Plunged Into the Bottomless Viper-pit of Gaar
Thurn's Swoon
Wednesday 1st June 2005
“Death is but the wink of an…”
Goddess Clarification
Lusty Jocund Swains

May 2005

Back after a break, and what delights! Learn about the ancient mystic art of Goon Fang, toasted blob-cake, a grebe, swans, fluttering sociopathic moth-beings, trumpets and banners, and lightning rods.

Tuesday 31th May 2005
“Talk to the horse in Latin, Greek,…”
Dobson on Sport
Swan News
Monday 30th May 2005
“By his absolute contempt of law, his…”
Trumpets and Banners
Sunday 29th May 2005
“Carlin's deep-shadowed eyes were flaming pools of…”
Seaside Fun and Frolic
Lightning Rod News
Thursday 26th May 2005
“In bygone days the world was a…”
An Outing
Goon Fang : A Correction
Wednesday 25th May 2005
“For whereas in the beginning of the…”
Pansy the Adept
Tuesday 24th May 2005
“Am writing an essay on the life-history…”

April 2005

Radio silence.

Friday 1st April 2005
The Secret Tribunal

March 2005

No bulletins from Hooting Yard.

Tuesday 1st March 2005

February 2005

Such an exciting month at Hooting Yard that Mr Key had to go and lie down for two months, hence the absence of any entries for March and April. Here you can read about bags in the Bible, Rasputin, moths, the Electric Prunes, Muggletonians, haruspices, and both Tiny Enid and Serpentine Claude.

Friday 25th February 2005
“To play this game you must first…”
In a Bog
Cattle Struck by Lightning
At a Hop
Wednesday 23rd February 2005
“Two monks took the blood of a…”
Two Monks
Orrery Sleuth
Monday 21st February 2005
“At first Mark meditated upon bishops…[He] must…”
I Had Too Much to Dream Last Night
Fifty Years Ago
Thursday 17th February 2005
“ ‘Nellie,’ he commanded sternly, 'replace that…”
Tanis Diena
A Note on Bags
Wednesday 16th February 2005
“I have seen a monoglot Englishman in…”
Soup Committee
Critically Important Information, in Diagrams
Becoming Unbecoming
Saturday 12th February 2005
“True festivity is called salt, and such…”
Majestic Prose in Dustbin
Friday 11th February 2005
“Their indoor clothing defies my description. I…”
Political Animals
Tiny Enid Extinguishes a Volcano
Tetrahedron News
Thursday 10th February 2005
“Moreover, I may properly quaery, which of…”
About Enchatons
Wedd Star
Wednesday 9th February 2005
“I visited the portion of the town…”
That Box
Total Eclipse
Tuesday 8th February 2005
“Charlotte Bronte's writing seemed to have been…”
What Sort of People Will Live on the Tetrahedron?
Norwegian Wool
Joanna Southcott's Box
Monday 7th February 2005
“Behold, Teta hath arrived in the height…”
New Saints
So You Want to Become a Haruspex?
Saturday 5th February 2005
“There was an interesting communication at, of…”
Happy Holidays
Jarvis and Cubbit
Friday 4th February 2005
“A circumstance of considerable human interest, and…”
Strange Goings-on in the Ornithological World
Tales of the Uncanny
Thursday 3rd February 2005
“They scatter white sand on the floor…”
More About My Bomba

January 2005

We enter the new year with Anubis and Ra, pageantry and ice, Saint Mungo and Agent Hosty, pit vipers on postage stamps, the glove of Ib, The Anatomy Of Melancholy, and the Hooting Yard Gallery Of Goo!

Monday 31th January 2005
“The German mind was then at the…”
Poppy Nisbet's Music Tips
Sunday 30th January 2005
“You may also, should it be necessary,…”
Hark! The Herald Angels Sing
Stakhanov, Colman
Friday 28th January 2005
“Wonderful and mighty beings, old as the…”
Scrofula and Penitence in the Middle Ages
Glib Hatter
Thursday 27th January 2005
“The four corners of the room were…”
Waxy Insensibility
The Glove of Ib
Wednesday 26th January 2005
“The Arabic word ‘bin’, within, becomes, when…”
Five Tiny Birds
Mrs Gubbins' New Publishing Venture
Sunday 23rd January 2005
“Looking back thus on the three spine-curving,…”
Blodgett's Fiendish X-ray Plot
Fripp It to Shreds
Thursday 20th January 2005
“Have you ever seen a bagpiper, I…”
Crime of the Century
Bilingual Comintern Mocker
Tuesday 18th January 2005
“For sometimes the Country is so raveshing…”
The Hooting Yard Gallery of Goo
Sunday 16th January 2005
“Vinegar Tom, who was like a long-legg'd…”
One Afternoon on the Lane That Runs From Coctlosh to Pointy Town
Saint Mungo : Read and Learn
Friday 14th January 2005
“First, there is the suet - the…”
Tuesday 11th January 2005
“Burl could see the wide disc of…”
More About The Anatomy of Melancholy
Erst Spruce, Now Rusty and Squalid
Friday 7th January 2005
“A beginning there must have been, though…”
Inconsequential Trivia
When I Was Interrogated
The Stone of Turpitude
Thursday 6th January 2005
“On my return to the city that…”
Stress, Distress, Tristesse
Pit Vipers on Postage Stamps
The Mincing Corsair
Monday 3rd January 2005
“Cornelius Gemma, lib. 2. de nat. mirac.…”
In a Cabin, on a Ship
One Type of Frightful Hobgoblin
Bird Research With Mrs Gubbins
Saturday 1st January 2005
“God of the country, bless today Thy…”
About The Complete Book of Cheese
Phantasmal Quest Thing
Audubon Bird-of-the-month Competition

December 2004

Hooting Yard reaches its first birthday and celebrates with tales of wild pigs, vampire bats and days of imbecilic glee, as well as looking at the crucial importance of topiary, the legend of the Grunty Man, the Swiss Family Robinson, and, of course, what happened when Björn and Benny and Anni-Frid and Agnetha were invited to Belshazzar's feast... Gosh!

Thursday 30th December 2004
“Four kinds of wild pigs are found.…”
Me and My Thorn-hog
Belshazzar's Feast
Wednesday 29th December 2004
“I have always been impressed in reading…”
Online Learning With Hooting Yard
How Dobson Spent Boxing Day
Monday 27th December 2004
“For thirty years his mottled nose and…”
At Home With Tanquod Shuddery
Jazz Up Your Stamp Album
Friday 24th December 2004
“The ship was the antithesis of the…”
A Christmas Treat From Mrs Gubbins
Tuesday 21st December 2004
“There are many in Paraguay who cherish…”
Christmas Dinner
I Saw Three Ships
Monday 20th December 2004
“There stood the Finn in the doorway…”
A Flying Ship
Danielle Barton Writes
Petrochemical Shiver-me-timbers Conclave
Thursday 16th December 2004
“Man is formed from a species of…”
The Cardboard Club
The Cardboard Club : Correction
Tuesday 14th December 2004
“Then Old Moneybags savagely rings the bell.…”
The Dark Night of the Soul
Tsar Update
At the Duckpond
Monday 13th December 2004
“It was midnight of the new year,…”
The Mysterious Inscription
Three Blue Days of Imbecilic Glee
Two Important Birthdays
Thursday 9th December 2004
“She opened the cage and the bird…”
The Crucial Importance of Topiary
The Legend of the Grunty Man
Wednesday 8th December 2004
“I do not want people going out…”
Hubs and Tranches
Stairway to Heaven
Tuesday 7th December 2004
“In an instant, the whole mass of…”
One Morning on the Lane That Runs From Pointy Town to Coctlosh
Meldrum Fonseca : Über-trombonist
Sunday 5th December 2004
“It appears that in the nineteenth century…”
Constance, Bereft
Hengist Pod Asks a Question
Old Doddery Martin
Saturday 4th December 2004
“After the heavy rain of a thunderstorm…”
Hinged, Unhinged, or Neither?
Veronica Lake and a Swan
The Swiss Family Robinson
Friday 3rd December 2004
“I do not think we should like…”
Tiny Enid Confronts the Russian Bear
In Loopy Copse
Edna Purviance

November 2004

includes a note about a rare edition of the Bible, unanswered questions about JFK, my little blind dolly and my little blind crow, a picture of a big black beetle, two pictures of locusts, and all sorts of other magnificently entertaining material for all the family.

Tuesday 30th November 2004
“Another thing I had noticed which gave…”
Some Rare Editions of the Bible : Number One
This Month's Picture of a Jesuit Priest
The Adventures of Tiny Enid
Thursday 25th November 2004
“He who plays with the void, who…”
My Little Blind Dolly
Potus Foliage
My Little Blind Crow
Wednesday 24th November 2004
“We should have a living man putting…”
When Push Comes to Shove
Beware of Overexcitement!
Monday 22nd November 2004
“When I was desirous to delight my…”
JFK : The Unanswered Questions
Build Your Own Plasticine Model of Dealey Plaza
Sunday 21st November 2004
“If we represent the sun by a…”
More About Captain Cake
The Horrible Cave : Part Three
Saturday 20th November 2004
“What shall we read? Shall our minds…”
Homage to Esther and Abi Ofarim
The West Wing
Wednesday 17th November 2004
“A noise like the continual explosion of…”
Keenan : The Adventure Continues
Practical Brain Exercises
Practical Seagull Exercises
Thursday 11th November 2004
“Theodora and Amaryllis liv'd together some Time,…”
Download News
Some Mashed Potato
Blotzmann's Syndrome
Wednesday 10th November 2004
“We have heard of a man who…”
He Was Accidentally Strangled When the Soutane of a Nearby Jesuit Got Snagged on a Drawing Pin
How the Quotations Are Selected
Notes on Jellyfish
Monday 8th November 2004
“To my mind one of the most…”
The God With Paws
A Tale of Two Locusts
Smooching With Istvan
Friday 5th November 2004
“There comes a day to the drunkard…”
Crisis in the Sedge
Remember, Remember
Tiny Bird Brains
Tuesday 2nd November 2004
“What a record of great social revolutions,…”
Deworming Your Goat the Hooting Yard Way
Monday 1st November 2004
“He was wholly absorbed in the making…”
Ugo of Plovdiv : The Motion Picture
Two Ships and a Moose
Writer's Block

October 2004

a cornucopia of delights, including Dobson in the Biblical Land of Nod, railings and pewter, Spem in Alium by Thomas Tallis, bees, chewed things, Richard Nixon, Emily Dickinson and Ah-Fang Van Der Houygendorp, paper crumpling, and Tex-Mex Jiffy Bag Sprites!

Friday 29th October 2004
“There have been some curious speculations lately…”
The Field of the Cloth of Gold
Police Report
Thursday 28th October 2004
“When he, swollen and pamper'd with great…”
Government News
With Dobson in the Land of Nod
Tex-mex Jiffy Bag Sprites
Tuesday 26th October 2004
“The music sang, and the spires twinkled,…”
Witless Fabiola
Bird Recognition Skills
Ugo Goes Loopy
Friday 22nd October 2004
“The vicious habit of giving birds bad…”
What You Should Know About the Carpenters
Make Your Own Crumpled Paper
Animals on Television
The Burning Fiery Furnace
Monday 18th October 2004
“…then he was sent to Cambridge. From…”
Decisively Important Announcement
Chewed Things
Thursday 14th October 2004
“I lift it to my nostrils, forced…”
The Horrible Cave : Part Two
Tuesday 12th October 2004
“Behold the far off luminary suspended millions…”
A Snuffling Noise Is Heard…
Friday 8th October 2004
“Suns glow for a time, and planets…”
Spem in Alium
Clandestine Defibrillation Unit
Thursday 7th October 2004
“I once had the unusual, though unhappy,…”
Ugo Turns Blue
Dobson's Declaration
The Sound of Music
Tuesday 5th October 2004
“The strange poetic-faced man with the distorted…”
Barnyard Bulletin
Whimsical Conjecture
Monday 4th October 2004
“When the Church forbade Christians the use…”
Tricky Dicky or the Belle of Amherst?
More About Ah-Fang
Preposterous Authors
Saturday 2nd October 2004
“In the midst of this circle of…”
Making Hats Out of Wood
Scraggy Bird Neck Bulletin
The Good Bee

September 2004

the return of Mrs Gubbins, Dobson's fear of squirrels, Christopher Plummer as Atahualpa, bean diseases, a horrible cave, and a selection of 18th century newspaper headlines, together with Samuel Taylor Coleridge, Alexander Graham Bell & Ringo Starr...

Thursday 30th September 2004
“Early that evening, the real Ah-Fang had…”
The Life and Loves of Mrs Gubbins
Tuesday 28th September 2004
“A tar-like odor everywhere prevailed, and I…”
Monday 27th September 2004
“The Punans add some picturesque incidents. According…”
Rhinoplax Vigil (See Above)
Tales of the Riverbank
Tales of the Marshes
Sunday 26th September 2004
“A human form was there, but clothed…”
A Refutation of Some of the Less Plausible Claims Made by Dennis Cargpan in His Woeful Lecture Delivered From the Balcony of the Civic Hall at Bodger's Spinney on Thursday Last During a Hailstorm to a Gathering of Ingrates and Orphans
Saturday 25th September 2004
“I did what I could with a…”
What to Do on a Winter's Day in Tantarabim
Famous Last Words
A Plug Wiring Diagram
Wednesday 22nd September 2004
“Now he saw it as so similar…”
Pale Flapper : A Love Story
The Ugo-scribe
Pie Shop Deep Space Six
Monday 20th September 2004
“Towards the tail, on the western parts…”
Four Thefts
Pod Person From Porlock
Sunday 19th September 2004
“The dinner began with a soup of…”
The Place Where It Goes Clunk
Minor Rant
Has He Taken Leave of His Senses?
Thursday 16th September 2004
“Unfortunately, I can speak from experience of…”
Tinpot Crimestoppers Lab
Monday 13th September 2004
“On the second day, sahib, as I…”
Ugo's New Hooter
Fangs in the Mist
Badger Time
How Bodger's Spinney Got Its Name
Sunday 12th September 2004
“The bulk of my patients were soap-fat…”
The Lactose-intolerant Jezebel of Botnia, Her Impending Flu Jab, and the Howling of Wolves at Dusk
Four Soup Recipes
Blot Family News
Friday 10th September 2004
“To The Curious - Ladies and gentlemen,…”
A Voracious Bricklayer & Other Matters
Dobson's Favourite Film
Wednesday 8th September 2004
“While the Bastard dashed to the window,…”
Four Aquatic Beings
Escape From a Ship on Fire
Tuesday 7th September 2004
“He appears occasionally on the scene, generally…”
Name That Cur
Eighteen Questions
Bitterns and Badgers and Dachshunds
Musing About Sheds
Monday 6th September 2004
“In these colossal chambers the phosphorescent light…”
Chapter Twelve
Bob's Bible
Summing Up the Despicable Iniquity of Curpin
Thursday 2nd September 2004
“A few wooden sheds being constructed for…”
Gigantic Balls of Volatile Gas
Pining and Pothorst
Fear of Squirrels

August 2004

all about celery, gutta percha, neurasthenic shuddering, egg flip, the old town of Plovdiv, bags of suet, and papal infallibility. Plus starlings and terrifying moles, among much else.

Tuesday 31th August 2004
“He has constructed a pandaemonium in an…”
Terrifying Moles
Chapter Eleven
Sunday 29th August 2004
“The sect of Jumpers was founded in…”
Dispatches From the Nib of Van Dongelbraacke
The Blot Family
To Make Paste
Wallpaper of the Potae
Friday 27th August 2004
“Thither Dorrington followed him, gaining vigour and…”
Today's Dietary Tip
On the Bonny Bonny Banks
More Beerpint Reprints
Thursday 26th August 2004
“The world is round. Time is fleeting.…”
Ugo's Pod
The Hooting Yard Wellness Clinic
Minnie Crunlop's Trailing Bandage
Tuesday 24th August 2004
“Racine Mudge, his face distorted beyond all…”
Bicycling in Chertsey
“How To…” With Fatima Gilliblat
Monday 23rd August 2004
“After the Polish refugees, came Colmiche, an…”
World O' Sport
The Reek of Spam and Hair-oil
Quicklime and Orpin
Thurn on Starlings
Wurlitzer News
Sunday 22nd August 2004
“He recalled to me, too, the case…”
An Exciting New Scheme
Mythical Birds
Beerpint Reprints
Friday 20th August 2004
“He shrieked aloud in the agony of…”
Blodgett's Fishpaste Conundrum
The Mimick
Bodger's Spinney Bird Sanctuary
Thursday 19th August 2004
“Take your snarling, growling, snapping, whining voice…”
Man of Bandages
Number 29
Reimagining the Urban Duckpond
Wednesday 18th August 2004
“Take a book four fingers breadth in…”
Loopy Copse Music News
Your Horoscope for Today
A History of Starlings
Monday 16th August 2004
“We turned back through the city, and…”
Bees and Beekeepers
Snowflake and Prig
Two Tuppers
Saturday 14th August 2004
“The ringing in my ears is the…”
Ugo's Pal Ulf
Ulf's Bubo
Bode Code
Thursday 12th August 2004
“The novice, in solitude and darkness, day…”
Calling Out Around the World
Marigold Chew's Shed
Monday 9th August 2004
“Canidia appears first, the locks of her…”
Silent Hungarians
Ugo Goofs Off
Lest We Forget
Friday 6th August 2004
“His vehemence startled me; obviously I had…”
A Slim Volume of Twee Verse
How to … Festoon Yourself With Old Netting
Take Me Back to Old Plovdiv
Thursday 5th August 2004
“I need not speak of the institutions…”
Two Days in the Life of Blodgett
Cookery Column
That Tsar Business
Tuesday 3rd August 2004
“Sometimes, with their bony limbs flung forth…”
Where Is Little Severin?
Why There May Be No Hope for Our Culture
Songs That Mention Kelp : Number One
Monday 2nd August 2004
“There should be at least seven servers…”
Lutheran Mobile Phone News in Brief
Indigestible Food of the Week
The Spangles Reference Library
Suzanne Takes You Down

July 2004

is there any subject we didn't address in July? Tundism, owls, Ricardo Montalban, glue and gruel and God and hydraulics and tsars and bogs, Emily Dickinson, botched trepanning operations, curd, birds, mucilage, balm in Gilead, and of course an enormously useful Pontiff mnemonic.

Friday 30th July 2004
“Nowhere are In and Yo more simply…”
Botched Trepanning Operations
Bixby's Mucilage
Thursday 29th July 2004
“The Jarley Ready Writing-Desk for Night Use,…”
Garb of the Potus
International Bog Day
Wednesday 28th July 2004
“I notice little worms carrying tufts and…”
Massacre of the Innocents at Hoon
Monday 26th July 2004
“That Ego sent forth with us to…”
Grabber's Deckchair
The Dictionary of Stains
Some Questions About Gilead
Friday 23rd July 2004
“What would those good old men have…”
Then the Boisterous Man
The Ubiquity of Dobson
Thursday 22nd July 2004
“A sarcastic chuckle from the professor interrupted:…”
S & N
Morning Has Broken
An Old Map of Easter Island
Wednesday 21st July 2004
“The figure was that of a man,…”
Some Buttons
The Ascent of the Mountain at Hoon
Monday 19th July 2004
“How many holy liars and parasites, in…”
Stalking a Toad-headed Robber
Pontiff Mnemonic
Saturday 17th July 2004
“Life is a pure flame, and we…”
An Owl
Frustum, Tang, Sluice
Wednesday 14th July 2004
“Another classification, which seems to retain a…”
Glue and Gruel and God
Thew's Pod
Two Other Things
Tuesday 13th July 2004
“Cod have been caught as long as…”
Land of Nod News
Club Hooting Yard
Airport Novel
Monday 12th July 2004
“Juniper infested the wooded interior of Norway,…”
Some Ponds, a Hotel, the Hollyhocks
Bus Hydraulics
Cataclysmic Winds
Saturday 10th July 2004
“It is well to remind ourselves that…”
Excessive Revolver Shooting & Related Matters
Scenes From Pang Hill Orphanage : Number One
That Impossible Map of a Dismal Canal
Friday 9th July 2004
“His epitaph upon the duck he killed…”
The Tale of Gaspard
Further Lops of Note
If I Had a Hammer
Thursday 8th July 2004
“‘What are the processes?’ He eyed Herzog…”
Dobson's Heir?
Gratuitously, a Photograph of Ricardo Montalban, Because He Is Superb
Tuesday 6th July 2004
“'Not dead… Get Petrie… Cairo… amber… inject…'…”
Distant Dustbins
And No Birds Sing
Monday 5th July 2004
“When she had crossed it, earlier in…”
Some Hotels, a Hollyhock, the Ponds
Picture Quiz
Saturday 3rd July 2004
“He gave his back to the smiters,…”
Happy Birthday, Franz
Whither Blenkinsop?
Friday 2nd July 2004
“Curious stuff—ink! In some way it caught…”
Some Interesting Lops
The Bodger's Spinney Variety Theatre
Two More Lops

June 2004

the definitive return from Technonightmareland! June brought mentions of gnats, Nixon, nuns purporting to be from Finland, little Severin the mystic badger, Ronald Reagan, Belt, Bong & Yaw and at least 44 curlews.

Tuesday 29th June 2004
“Here, on this very floor, under that…”
The Stench From Outer Space
Tree News
Monday 28th June 2004
“Q.- What is Cabrey's arrangement? A.- Mr.…”
The Teutonic Memory-banks of Mister Blatfinch
The Mystery of the Poisoned Pancake
Saturday 26th June 2004
“Huge waves roared by, of such vastness…”
Annals of Rascality
Dobson's Wit
Friday 25th June 2004
“Another legend accounts for the robin’s red…”
Extract From a Pirate's Diary
Swept Away on a Winter's Night
The Book of Gnats
Oil Painting News
Thursday 24th June 2004
“‘The horse is dead, then? Where is…”
Mystic Badger News
Spooky Boswell Coincidence
A Ticking-off for Uncle Dan
Tuesday 22nd June 2004
“He was in some kind of a…”
The Potus and the Beast
Nuns Purporting to Come From Finland
Vaporetto or Bus?
Monday 21st June 2004
“The sea-wind sweeps over the spot at…”
Always Read the Label
Unspeakable Desolation Pouring Down From the Stars
The Hooting Yard Biennale
Friday 18th June 2004
“This is hazardous sport even for the…”
Ask Uncle Dan
44 Curlews
One of Orphan Maisie's Many, Many Curlew Stamps
Wednesday 16th June 2004
“This Medicine has excellent Effect in Hysteric…”
The Lure of Hooting Yard
About Belt, Bong & Yaw

May 2004

still bedevilled by technical trauma, we nevertheless managed to address such issues as "Was Dobson Stalin?", examine the legacy of Tuesday Weld, ponder Frank's future as the Face of L'Oreal, and sigh at the strange fate of the Besmirched & Bonkers Topiary Man, His Hoodoo & Collapse. All this plus croissants, horses, Stendahl on peas, ogres, vapours and, of course, even more cormorants.

Sunday 23rd May 2004
“A taste for flowers is, at all…”
Since You've Been Gone
Saturday 22nd May 2004
“The turbot and sole are indeed included…”
The Concrete Posts of Obergruwwel
Tuesday Weld News
Friday 21st May 2004
“And now,”
Ogre, Vapour
Wednesday 19th May 2004
“Mr [James] Douglas would rather give a…”
Climb Every Mountain
Ho! For Cormorants! (The Words)
Ho! For Cormorants! (The Picture)
Monday 17th May 2004
“Do I know what my colours are?…”
L'oreal : The Case Continues
Life and Loves of the Immersion Man
Friday 14th May 2004
“Colossal, crude, terrible and sublime, Brann opened…”
Pin Bulletin Number One
Bashful Coctlosh Trauma Surgeon
Monday 10th May 2004
“If Francois is fond of flowers, M.…”
Pang Hill News
Clairvoyant Pig
Pencil of the Month
Sunday 9th May 2004
“I say again, if I cannot draw…”
Regarding Today's Quotation
A Potted Biography of Sigismundo Ock, the Balaclava-clad Poetaster Whose Plinth Is Splattered With Muck
Was Dobson Stalin?
Friday 7th May 2004
“A little, slight man, with a thin,…”
Bird News
That Mrs Gubbins Woman
Thursday 6th May 2004
“The Volting of the Body, which many…”
Career Change
The Besmirched and Bonkers Topiary Man : His Hoodoo and Collapse
Wednesday 5th May 2004
“An efficacious remedy for love - eat…”
On the Air
Once Upon a Time

April 2004

a month which saw hideous and traumatic computer nightmares at Hooting Yard. Despite this, you'll be able to read about Mrs Gubbins and her infatuation with buttons, a noodlehead in peril, Sopwith's so-called "marsh gas years", and the disgusting bilge of Cadet Vig, among other things.

Friday 30th April 2004
“As he reconstructed it, the whole scene…”
Chaps Oozing Charm
Pod News
Wednesday 28th April 2004
“Let us start our investigation of finite…”
Impenetrable Language
The Micro-axially Condensed Typewriter & Related Matters
Mrs Gubbins : An Update
Monday 26th April 2004
“We live in a world where great…”
Dobson in Residence
More Moaning About Book Titles
Inside Hooting Yard
Ground Control to Major Tom
Friday 23rd April 2004
ACK!!! Hideous technological traumas have struck at…”
Tuesday 13th April 2004
“If you have not got the knack…”
Sopwith : The Marsh Gas Years
Source : Marsh Gas, Badge Man, Prester John & Other Imponderables by Dobson (Out of Print)
A Patch of Ectoplasm
Mrs Gubbins' Emoticon Workshop
Thursday 8th April 2004
“Who can contemplate this superb elevation without…”
Alphabet Soup
Publishing News
The Disgusting Bilge of Cadet Vig
Tuesday 6th April 2004
“Afraid? … Well - so was I.…”
Mysteries of the Nun Explained
Ask Uncle Dan
Invaluable Cereal Donations
Spinoza's Rhubarb
Monday 5th April 2004
“When I play Beethoven, I always feel…”
A Noodlehead in Peril
Dark Star Crashes
That “Dobson” Photograph
Saturday 3rd April 2004
“James I, at the beginning of his…”
Sidney the Bat Is Awarded the Order of Lenin
Sprung From Chokey
Thursday 1st April 2004
“There would be the following number of…”
Reincarnation News
Is This Dobson?
Mrs Gubbins and Her Infatuation With Buttons

March 2004

a bumper month - not only the seven dwarves, the administration of lighthouses, and six cows and a bee, not only Chutney On My Spats by Beerpint & How I Invented A Revolutionary New Birdseed by Dobson, but soup, cake, gluttony, Chewism, jars, cormorants and a leech mishap.

Wednesday 31th March 2004
“One thing is certain, and that is…”
Hello Darkness My Old Friend
The Encyclopaedia of Unnecessary Knowledge
Saturday 27th March 2004
“Yet, was his beauty not amiable, but…”
Packaging or Fighting?
Trademark Notice
The Birdhole Prison Riots
Anagram News
Friday 26th March 2004
Today being the festival it is, Haemoglobin…”
Thursday 25th March 2004
“Most cats show an interest of some…”
The Novels of Lothar Preen
Burnt Maps
Wretchedness Transformed : A Case Study
Japanese Conceptual Artist in Bed Anniversary
Wednesday 24th March 2004
“Let us picture the case of a…”
Dobson Dust-jacket Discovery
Important Lark Information
Six Cows and a Bee : Correction
Tuesday 23rd March 2004
“[It was] Merro Daak, the fashionable radio…”
A Word Game
Brain Surgeon News
That Mrs Gubbins Self-portrait
Countdown to Pansy Cradledew Day
Friday 19th March 2004
“He hath a soul drowned in a…”
Lean-starved Hackney Apophthegms : A Cartoon Strip
The Annual “Atlas Shrugged” Poetry Competition
Six Cows and a Bee
What's on in Mustard Parva
Stray Dog
Thursday 18th March 2004
“Next to Rosa Whittier sat Julia Balcolm,…”
Mrs Gubbins Throws a Fit
Hound of the Cargpans
All Hail Gervase Beerpint
Wednesday 17th March 2004
“Custard, that noble cooling Food, / So…”
Mrs Gubbins Recommends
Pastry Post
Victorian Prime Minister News Update
Tuesday 16th March 2004
“It is bad luck to carry a…”
Punter Hoonjaw
Dobson's Leech Mishap
Jar Hints
Sunday 14th March 2004
“Heliogabalus made elaborate preparations for his own…”
Scenes From the Lives of the Poets : 1. Maud Abdab
Blasphemous Ted Cargpan & His Weird Sponge Hood
Beasts of the Field
Foolish Opinions
Three Miscellaneous Items
Saturday 13th March 2004
“I am writing this in the saloon…”
The Beerpint Scandal
Assiduous Costner Research
A Guide to Pointy Town : Part Two
Newton News
Friday 12th March 2004
“He was nothing if not superlative: his…”
Downy, Witched, Dutch Cloud-heaps of Some Quaintest Tramontane Nephelococcugia of Thought
A Guide to Pointy Town : Part One
Thursday 11th March 2004
“A great, large, noisy, tumultuous, promiscuous, crowding,…”
Blatant Forgeries Received
Gluttony News
World O' Cake
Soup : A Chewist Text
Wednesday 10th March 2004
“I do not think it is wise…”
Mission Statement
Istvan & Zoltan
Velma Nebraska Reports
Tuesday 9th March 2004
“My mother opened a select private school…”
Apropos of Ambrose Bierce
The Dobson Memorial Lecture 2004
The Seven Dwarves
Monday 8th March 2004
“As an introduction to the Jesuit priest's…”
Correspondence Received : One
Istvan 'n' Zoltan
Correspondence Received : Two
Friday 5th March 2004
“And how are we going to describe…”
Noteworthy Pistachio Nut Magnates : No. 1 in a New Series
Cormorant Patrol
Films on Television
Thursday 4th March 2004
“She sank deeper and deeper into seclusion,…”
Istvan, Zoltan or Zoltan, Istvan
Bullfinch Advice
Gruesome and Turgid
Wednesday 3rd March 2004
“As if kindled into anger now by…”
Film Focus
Fierce Gigantic Elephant-like Beings
The Might of Patience
Tuesday 2nd March 2004
“The kam, as if approaching the Yarta…”
Recommended Reading
Victorian Prime Minister News
Monday 1st March 2004
“These palliards be called also clapperdudgeons. These…”
Zoltan & Istvan
Fictional Detective Bulletin

February 2004

including Richard Milhous Nixon, bismuth & titanium, Istvan & Zoltan, Dobson, badgers, potatoes, pails, James Joyce, and a burlap sack of old crocuses.

Saturday 28th February 2004
“He [V. S. Naipaul] now hated the…”
Dorothy Quigley
Istvan & Zoltan
Friday 27th February 2004
“Oh! the mocking diablery in strings, wisps…”
Rules of the Game
Illustration to Accompany the Above Essay
Thursday 26th February 2004
“Like love, perfect inanity casteth out fear.”
Van Dongelbrackegate
This Is Split
Tuesday 24th February 2004
“He heard only the soughing of the…”
Correspondence Received
Ask Uncle Dan
Monday 23rd February 2004
“As far back as 1551 we know…”
The Natural World
Brief Extract From a Lecture Delivered by Canute Hellhound
Make Your Own Glue
Friday 20th February 2004
“‘You say,’ he mused, ‘that Mok came…”
The Pail
The Pails
Hedge Auras
The Other Pails
Accidents Will Happen
Wednesday 18th February 2004
“Coleridge was a marvellous talker … Wordsworth…”
Important Potato News
In Re Joyce
Web Revolution
Tuesday 17th February 2004
“A man, a plan, a canoe, pasta,…”
Biblical News
Putting a Face to a Name …
Inconsequential but Interesting Facts No. 1
Monday 16th February 2004
“Now, consider this Jesuit priest with a…”
Back after a dose of flu…
Notes on Names
Thespian Careers
Saturday 7th February 2004
“It was a strange day, the day…”
Hotel & Catering News
Recipe-related Correspondence
A Parlour Game
Thursday 5th February 2004
“A man fond of jugglers will soon…”
How to Think of Things Other Than Juggling
A Letter of Complaint
Decoy Duck of the Week
Wednesday 4th February 2004
“Goe plow in the stubble for now…”
Today's Recipe
Dobson on Badgers
Tuesday 3rd February 2004
“You know what a pleasure it is…”
Lines Written in a Sordid Hut
Lothar Preen News

January 2004

including World o' Cake, decoy ducks, the Crogsnickplagg Cow Centenary, penguin brain scans, and other amusing diversions.

Saturday 31th January 2004
“The postman came just now, and among…”
The Life & Times of Captain Cake
Dobson's Commentary on the Above
Thursday 29th January 2004
“Alcohol is the Devil's buttermilk!”
The Cabinet of Doctor Calicagcag
Crestfallen Dan : An Apology
Wednesday 28th January 2004
“The other case, as related by Van…”
Bird-related Ironmongery
No Comment
World O' Cake
Tuesday 27th January 2004
“Go put the raiment on. … You'll…”
House of Turps
Crestfallen Dan
Saturday 24th January 2004
“Having a crush on Joni is a…”
Cedric Spraingue
Captain Snap, the Cheery Bird-strangler
World O' Cake
Friday 23rd January 2004
“When you take his potatoes away from…”
Preamble to a Report on the 26 Lighthouses of Hoon
A Letter From Pansy Cradledew
Wednesday 21st January 2004
“… the fear that too much learning…”
Fictional Characters Named After Packaging
An Exciting New Series
Tuesday 20th January 2004
“Can it be possibly believed, by the…”
Tiny Decoy Duck of the Week
Music Ho!
Monday 19th January 2004
“It is related of Mr Herbert Spencer…”
A Person From Porlock
Saturday 17th January 2004
“Who else, on the day of the…”
Doctor Fang Is About to Carry Out a Brain Scan
An Old Rhyme
An Exciting Pastime
Friday 16th January 2004
“Upon another occasion I went to a…”
Wednesday 14th January 2004
(Saint Mungo's Day)
“When a cow came slouching by in…”
A Sad Story
Recommended Reading
Tuesday 13th January 2004
“The learning … of the censors and…”
Pond Life
Food Scare
Saturday 10th January 2004
“Blessed are the nonchalant”
The Windows in the Villa
Hell, Entrances To
Friday 9th January 2004
“Tea, though ridiculed by those who are…”
Folk Wisdom
Authors' Nicknames
Personality Profile
Wednesday 7th January 2004
“Peering at you from the top of…”
Stamp Collecting
Lars Talc
Monday 5th January 2004
“The cuckoo shouts all day at nothing”
Elsewhere on the Web
Correspondence Received
Decoy Duck of the Week
Sunday 4th January 2004
“Is there not a brutal balance to…”
What's in a Name?
Grassy Knoll Bulletin
Saturday 3rd January 2004
“All the misfortunes of people derive from…”
Our Ancestors
A Drawing of a Man Whose Head Resembles a Fire Extinguisher
Friday 2nd January 2004
“He had two pets: a cat called…”
Parlour Games
Angling News
Thursday 1st January 2004
Hmm… a bit of a gap there…”
One Hundred Years Ago
Archival Rescue Service
Today's Recipe

December 2003

including the Ship of Fools, Monomaniac Time, a crumpled map, the Buttons of Beb, and much, much more!

Monday 22nd December 2003
“Aminadab! Aminadab!”
Docking Hack
Friday 19th December 2003
“In my own case I have imputed…”
Monomaniac Time
The Buttons of Beb
Thursday 18th December 2003
“I could argue all day about the…”
Potted Biographies of a Marine Hue, No. 1
Poetry Corner
Wednesday 17th December 2003
“Grind, gride, gird, grit, groat, grate, greet,…”
Robertson's Minerva
The Ship of Fools
Tuesday 16th December 2003
“I think it is true that one…”
Unabashed Advertisement Feature
Archival Rescue Service
Newton News
Apropos of Poe
Monday 15th December 2003
“I fancied a sepulchral voice exclaiming: ”
Hobbies & Pastimes
Ask Uncle Dan
Celebrity News
Sunday 14th December 2003
The Private Memoirs & Confessions of an Ignorant Ornithologist
Useful Words