In a staggering breakthrough, tiptop gruntologists at a gruntorium high in the Swiss Alps have discovered what they believe is the diary of the Grunty Man, that terrifying figure from children’s nightmares. As we all know – and shudder as we remember – the Grunty Man dwells in a filthy and horrible and tenebrous cave. Weirdly, some sort of magnetic anomaly in the rock of which the cave is composed has led to the Grunty Man’s bestial grunts being somehow recorded and preserved for posterity. By harnessing state-of-the-art 78 rpm shellac disc engroovement technology, the Swiss gruntologists were able to transfer the awful sounds from the dank interior of the cave on to state-of-the-art 78 rpm shellac discs (with grooves). A collection of said discs has now been made available to the public, so we can all relive the terrors of our totdom.
Here is a transcript of the Grunty Man, musing upon his existence on this day in 1913, and 1813, and 1713, and 1613, and back, back, at intervals of a century, to before the earth was formed, to before the universe existed, to before time and space, back to that unimaginably distant past when the Grunty Man was all there ever was, or ever is, or ever will be:
Grunt grunt grunt.