Masses will be held at St Bibblybibdib’s today as follows:
6.00 AM – Adoration of the Lamb
7.00 AM – Slaughter of the First-Born
8.00 AM – Veneration of the Avant-Garde Japanese Beatle-Wife
9.00 AM – Veneration of the Avant-Garde Japanese Beatle-Wife’s Late Beatle-Husband
10.00 M – Special Ringo Service
11.00 AM – Slaughter of the Second- and Third-Born
12.00 AM – Adoration of the Beatnik
1.00 PM – Blessing of the Little Cotton Socks
2.00 PM – Interfaith Service With Goat-Slaughter
3.00 PM – Blessing of the Underpants Bomber
4.00 PM – Singalonga Dan Fogelberg Service
5.00 PM – Personal Appearance With Autograph-Signing by Krishnan Guru-Murthy of Channel 4 News
6.00 PM – Remembrance Of Things Past
7.00 PM – Days Of Future Passed
8.00 PM – Nights In White Satin
9.00 PM – Cold-Hearted Orb That Rules The Night
10.00 PM – Tea And Biscuits
11.00 PM – Tea And Oranges That Come All The Way From China
12.00 PM – Slopping-Out