Chocks away! Yes, in a spasm of insane generosity, I have decided to give away all my chocks for Christmas. I shall be distributing them among the poor, the indigent, the feckless, and the riff-raff – that is, pretty much the entire population of my particularly insalubrious bailiwick. I am going to give away every last chock – the one under the draining board, the one beside the bathroom radiator, the many and various chocks scattered higgledy-piggledy wherever I cast my myopic gaze. Do bear in mind that I am not talking about chocs, as in chocolates. I mean chocks. If you are not sure what I am talking about, go and siphon out your ears.

Hooting Yard’s Christmas Chocks Away! Initiative is sponsored by evil plutocrats.