And the Lord said “Gather ye wool, and using needles thou shalt knit the wool into the form of a chicken. And thou shalt stuff the chicken with kapok and place it upon thy mantel. But the chicken shall lay no eggs, nor shall it cluck, for it is a false chicken, of kapok and wool, and an abomination unto the eyes of the Lord. And it shall be cast down from thy mantel, and unravelled, and the kapok stuffing scattered, yea, upon the four winds, and the wool strewn across many fields on thy father’s land. Thus sayeth the Lord, regarding false chickens, and other counterfeit poultry.”

The Book Of Ipsy Dipsy Doo, chapter 5,891