Fruit-lovers among you will be delighted to learn that I devoted the first Hooting Yard On The Air of the new year to plums. That is, all the pieces I read on the show made mention of plums, in several cases plums of the Carlsbad variety. This was received so well by listeners that I am seriously considering taking a plum-based approach to next week’s show too. It is rare in the history of radio broadcasting, I think, for a single type of fruit to be granted such prominence in a programme not otherwise fruitcentric, or not ostensibly so. Should any fruiterers wish to give me a free bag of plums in recognition of my efforts, please do not hesitate to approach me in the boulevards and thrust a bag of plums at me.

You can listen to the show here. If by chance you are allergic to plums, or simply abhor them, preferring, say, peaches or persimmons, you may wish instead to go and lie down in a darkened room with cotton wool stuffed into your lugholes. It is entirely up to you.