GAEL ANDERSON, the bride-to-be
ANDREW CLUTTERBUCK, her suitor
IAN ANDERSON, minstrel & father of Gael
Scene: A mansion in the countryside
Enter GAEL and ANDREW
GAEL : Oh darling! I am so thrilled at the prospect of our imminent betrothal!
ANDREW : As I am too, my poppet. [A dark cloud passes over his brow.] But first I must ask your father for your hand in marriage. I fear he may place hurdles in our path.
GAEL : It is true he can be an exacting man, darling, but I feel sure you will win him over.
ANDREW : Well, we shall find out soon enough. Hark! I hear him approach!
Enter IAN ANDERSON
IAN : Hello Gael, hello young fellow-me-lad.
GAEL : Hello Papa!
ANDREW : Hello Ian … I may call you Ian?
IAN : No you may not. Address me as J-Tull Dot Com, as in the title of the 1999 album release by my rock band.
ANDREW : Oh … okay.
IAN : [Laughing] But I jest with you! By all means call me Ian. And what brings you to my country pile on this lovely summer’s day, sonny?
ANDREW : Well, I, er, um …
GAEL : Go on, darling, ask him!
ANDREW : I come to ask for the fair and dainty hand of your daughter in marriage.
IAN : I see. And are you a worthy suitor?
GAEL : He is, Papa, he is!
IAN : To be worthy of my daughter, a man must be able to play the flute while standing on one leg. Can you do that, son?
ANDREW : [Crestfallen] I’m not sure.
GAEL : But Papa, Andrew has other special skills. He has fought many zombies, and has a string of triumphs over the walking dead!
IAN : Really? I have not heard anything so preposterous since Crest Of A Knave, the 1987 album release by my rock band.
GAEL : Yes, really, Papa! Have you not seen the post-apocalyptic television drama The Walking Dead? Every week, Andrew gives those zombies the what-for!
IAN : My poor sweet child, you are confusing Mr Clutterbuck here with Andrew Lincoln, the zombie-battling star of that show.
ANDREW : Be it known that I am Andrew Lincoln! Born a Clutterbuck, I dropped that foolish surname when I embarked upon my glittering thespian career.
IAN : Is that so? Well then, I give my consent!
GAEL : Oh thank you Papa!
ANDREW : Thank you, J-Tull Dot Com sir!
IAN : Let us celebrate by singing a few snatches from Aqualung, the 1971 album release by my rock band.
They sing & wassail.