The Betrothal : A Playlet

Characters:

GAEL ANDERSON, the bride-to-be

ANDREW CLUTTERBUCK, her suitor

IAN ANDERSON, minstrel & father of Gael

Scene: A mansion in the countryside

Enter GAEL and ANDREW

GAEL : Oh darling! I am so thrilled at the prospect of our imminent betrothal!

ANDREW : As I am too, my poppet. [A dark cloud passes over his brow.] But first I must ask your father for your hand in marriage. I fear he may place hurdles in our path.

GAEL : It is true he can be an exacting man, darling, but I feel sure you will win him over.

ANDREW : Well, we shall find out soon enough. Hark! I hear him approach!

Enter IAN ANDERSON

IAN : Hello Gael, hello young fellow-me-lad.

GAEL : Hello Papa!

ANDREW : Hello Ian … I may call you Ian?

IAN : No you may not. Address me as J-Tull Dot Com, as in the title of the 1999 album release by my rock band.

ANDREW : Oh … okay.

IAN : [Laughing] But I jest with you! By all means call me Ian. And what brings you to my country pile on this lovely summer’s day, sonny?

ANDREW : Well, I, er, um …

GAEL : Go on, darling, ask him!

ANDREW : I come to ask for the fair and dainty hand of your daughter in marriage.

IAN : I see. And are you a worthy suitor?

GAEL : He is, Papa, he is!

IAN : To be worthy of my daughter, a man must be able to play the flute while standing on one leg. Can you do that, son?

ANDREW : [Crestfallen] I’m not sure.

GAEL : But Papa, Andrew has other special skills. He has fought many zombies, and has a string of triumphs over the walking dead!

IAN : Really? I have not heard anything so preposterous since Crest Of A Knave, the 1987 album release by my rock band.

GAEL : Yes, really, Papa! Have you not seen the post-apocalyptic television drama The Walking Dead? Every week, Andrew gives those zombies the what-for!

IAN : My poor sweet child, you are confusing Mr Clutterbuck here with Andrew Lincoln, the zombie-battling star of that show.

ANDREW : Be it known that I am Andrew Lincoln! Born a Clutterbuck, I dropped that foolish surname when I embarked upon my glittering thespian career.

IAN : Is that so? Well then, I give my consent!

GAEL : Oh thank you Papa!

ANDREW : Thank you, J-Tull Dot Com sir!

IAN : Let us celebrate by singing a few snatches from Aqualung, the 1971 album release by my rock band.

They sing & wassail.

Curtain.

One thought on “The Betrothal : A Playlet

  1. Frank, if Ian was to move roughly 266 miles south from his estate on the Isle of Skye and set up home next to pop moptop Paul McCartney’s Scottish abode, would he then call his next LP ‘Tull of Kintyre’?

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