This year’s foopball World Cup coincided with the Hooting Yard shutdown, which means I have neglected to keep you lot apprised of the choice witterings of commentators. Each time there is a big foopball tournament, we find ourselves wondering if one of the TV babblers will say anything to match that classic observation from 2010 : “For a moment there, he looked like a baby gazelle who’d just plopped out of the womb.”
My favourite moment from this year came early in the contest. Commenting on one of the Argentinian players, the BBC man said : “He’s five-foot-five, the same height as Kirsten Dunst. A dangerous little winger.”
Was he in possession of a chart matching the heights of foopballers to Hollywood stars? Or is a foopballer’s height relative to Kirsten Dunst a standard measure? These questions were never answered, more’s the pity.
Here in the Banished household we measure all vertical distances in Cassidies.
That is to say in multiples of 6’9″ , the height of American actor Ted Cassidy , best known for his portrayal of the butler Lurch in The Addams Family television show (1964-1966)
My personal highlight was this jaw-dropping gem from the BBC’s Martin Keown during Sweden v England, regarding the referee Bjorn Kuipers (The steak, importantly, had not been mentioned prior to the exchange):
Keown: We saw him at the hotel last night, didn’t we? He looked pretty aggressive eating that steak.
Guy Mowbray: I wasn’t looking at him that closely!
Keown: I certainly was.