Mr Key is pleased to announce that readers, obsessives, and persons of a bonkers disposition can now follow Hooting Yard on Witter. As you may already know, Witter is an exciting new social networking service, designed for people with pea-sized brains who want to shrink them further, even unto the point of invisibility. The idea is that, every fifty years, â€œwitterersâ€ write an account of their doings, in beautiful if somewhat clogged handwriting, on sheets of vellum, and roll the sheets up, and seal them with wax, and carry them around the countryside, stopping every now and then to accost a wayfarer or a peasant, whom they shove into a ditch, and to whom they then read the â€œwitterâ€, aloud, and at length. I think you will all agree that this is a splendid new way to get the Hooting Yard message across to folk far and wide.
Witter should not be confused with a similar service, recently popularised by, among others, the Most Intelligent Life-Form Ever To Walk The Earth, otherwise known as Stephen Fry, who cleverly uses it to demonstrate his command of childish scatological exclamations, to the delight of a thankful nation.
“All man’s miseries derive from not being able to sit quietly in a room alone.” – Pascal