They must have been putting something in Fatima Gilliblat’s cornflakes. We don’t hear from her for many a moon, but now, hard on the heels of her latest recipe comes this thrilling letter:
Pantsil, Mr Key! [This is the form of greeting Fatima always uses, for reasons lost in the fog of doo-dah.] Finding myself at a loose end, and unnerved by inexplicable clunks, I thought it would be a good idea to bury myself in research. As you know, I have long been fascinated by mystic foods devoured by mystic beings, so I trotted off to the library chat ‘n’ snack zone to consult some reference works. I was wondering what, if anything, was the connection between the manna sent down from heaven for the Israelites, in the books of Exodus and Numbers, and ambrosia, as munched by the gods of Greek mythology. It had also occurred to me that there may be a link to the mess of pottage for which Esau sells his birthright in Genesis. Yes, yes, I know most authorities would have it that Esau’s mess was some kind of lentil stew, but I have never been afraid to fly in the face of accepted wisdom, nor indeed to fell sacred cows with my girly fists. I learned a thing or two from the matchless deeds of Tiny Enid, you know.
Having silenced the chattering, snacking, mobile phone wittering teenage hoi polloi with a thunderbolt, I spent some happy hours poring over mystic texts. Pore, pore, pore, that was me, brows furrowed in concentration, scribbling notes in my recipe ideas notebook.
You will be pleased to hear that the result of my studies is a brand new Fatima Gilliblat recipe for what I was going to call The Goo Of The Gods, until it struck me that violent monotheists might take the usual umbrage and I could end up being cast into the outer darkness or beheaded. So I settled on God Goo. For the time being I have decided to keep it a secret formula, like Coca Cola, although I hasten to add that God Goo has nothing whatever in common with that tooth-rotting fizzy pop.
My current plan is to unveil this wondrous goo in a ten-part television series called Fatima Gilliblat’s Spiritually Uplifting Goo Kitchen Paradise. Keep an eye on the schedules.
My chat & snack zone stocks mystical texts by Dr. Gillian McKeith who advocates that all kinds of bizarre substances of dubious health-giving value should be added to one’s diet in order to obtain immortality. I like to think of her as a modern-day Abdul Alhazred.
Frank, terrible Goo news:
It seems that within days (or possibly millenia) Alaska will be overcome by a hitherto unidentified form of “black goo”. Such is it’s menace that any sea-fowl that approaches it instantly becomes entangled and is dragged to an icy death.