Carpathian thick potato and sausage soup is a delicious soup from the Carpathians, perfect for those long winter evenings as darkness falls and the temperature plummets and a chill sets in to your bones. It is very simple to make. Basically, you just boil up a pan of potatoes and sausages and add a suitable coagulant. When it is thick enough for your iron spoon to stand up in it unsupported, tip the whole lot into a bowl and garnish with the horns of a goat or two, for added crunch.

In the past, entire Carpathian families lived off this soup for years on end. It is true that in some cases they suffered from nutritional… difficulties, and had many ructions with the Carpathian goat-herding community, but we live in a different age, and can put such unpleasantness behind us. There is no benefit whatsoever in reviving ancient Carpathian blood feuds, although of course to do so can enliven an otherwise dull week.

If you are worried by the prospect of a gang of Carpathian peasants hoving into view armed with flaming torches and pitchforks, call our helpline. Our staff have been fully – well, adequately – trained in Carpathian thick potato and sausage soup dispute resolution techniques, and will not hang up if they hear you screaming for mercy.