The global merchandising arm of the Hooting Yard franchise, always keenly aware of what passes for the zeitgeist, will shortly be launching upon a delighted public its latest product. Years of ruinously expensive research come to fruition with the appearance in a shop near you of the Malevolent Homunculus Action Figure.
Deceptively innocent-looking, this tiny homunculus-sized homunculus is actually a model of a particularly evil homunculus, one which can be sent out on nocturnal escapades to terrorise oneâ€™s unsuspecting neighbours. Although not as minuscule as the homunculus favoured by spermist theoreticians, it is still remarkably small, about the size of a newborn squirrel. It has moveable arms and legs, a fully rotating head, and a well-ironed shirt the better to conceal its inherent malevolence. Package also includes a scenic backdrop, made of sturdy cardboard, of â€œthose pollarded willows by the canal just before the level crossingâ€ from Brief Encounter (David Lean, 1945) against which the malevolent homunculus can be posed, spookily.
According to the advert for this project it has “realistic swiveling teeth” – that must be a first in any action-figure no matter how lilliputian.