Kaká, Dunga

It is a little over three years since we learned that Crouch is big threat says Kaka. Now things have taken a further turn. According to today’s inky bulletin, Kaká might claim he is in shape but Dunga is bound to be uneasy. There are two things of immediate note. First, Kaká has gained an accent over his final A, although we are not told what he has done to deserve this. Secondly, the threat of Crouch has not merely receded but vanished entirely, supplanted by the uneasiness of Dunga. Dunga does not have an accent on his A, which may account in part for his nerviness, born as it may be from envy of Kaká’s newly acquired accent. The obliterated Crouch, without an A to his name, was never going to be accorded an accent, and in any case at the time he was considered a threat by Kaká, Kaká himself was accentless. It may well be that the threat of Crouch and the unease of Dunga have nothing whatsoever to do with accents over As. Further work must be done before drawing a watertight conclusion.

So what are we to make of Kaká’s claim to be “in shape”? It is surely pertinent that the shape itself goes unmentioned. Triangle? Oblong? Dodecahedron? Or perhaps even mere blob? This could be the true source of Dunga’s unease. Dunga may also be wondering what happened to Crouch, of course. Three years ago, Crouch was a big threat – or was at least perceived as such by Kaka, as he was then – and now, pfft!, he is nowhere to be seen, Kaká meanwhile having clambered into, or been ingested by, an undefined “shape”. This would make any of us uneasy, so we ought not tsk tsk at Dunga for a wholly natural reaction. And we should mark well that not only is Dunga uneasy, he is bound to be uneasy. He has no choice in the matter. His uneasiness has been thrust upon him, whatever his feelings in the matter, by this claim of Kaká’s, a claim made, we take it, from within a shape, a shape of which we know little, if anything. You or I would, I’ll warrant, be uneasy. How much more so, then, Dunga, even without the vanished threat of Crouch?

These are deep matters, to be sure, and there will no doubt be further developments in the coming weeks. We must do our best to keep abreast of them, and treat them with the gravity they deserve.

3 Responses to “Kaká, Dunga”


  • I think we can assume that ‘Dunga’ is the Esperanto word for ‘Kaká’, or, if not, then it’s the other way round. Either way, the substance in question is usually somewhat shapeless …

  • The essential shape in a game of soccer is a truncated icosahedron. The players are supposed to stay outside of the the shape, that’s the only place from which the game can be played, so Kaká claiming to be inside of it is bound to cause his manager unease.

  • Mr Webster : Your comment seems to suggest some link between “soccer”, or football, and Dunga, Kaka and, one assumes, Crouch. I think you are practising what is known as blue sky thinking, and I will certainly take your ideas into account as I pursue my tireless investigation into these matters. No rest for the wicked!

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