Below is a scene from Dennis Beerpint’s new “verse drama” Signor Ploppo In Conversation With A Bird, together with a short extract.
(Snapshot courtesy of unexpectedtales)
SIGNOR PLOPPO, a man of parts
AMBROSE, a bird
AMBROSE : Bring me a jar of lemon curd!
PLOPPO : (Aside) Can such things be? A talking bird? (To Ambrose) Whyfore dost thou want lemon curd?
AMBROSE : Perchance this day my loins to gird.
PLOPPO : I did not know that birds have loins. However, if you give me some coins, I will go and buy a jar. There is a curd shop not so far.
AMBROSE : I beg thee, signor, use your own cash. (Aside) Should I praise his fine moustache? (To Ploppo) Your moustache is really great. Now hurry before it is too late!
PLOPPO : Fear not, the curd shop never shuts. But –
AMBROSE : But me no buts! Go and buy my lemon curd, or I shall be a distraught bird.
PLOPPO : (Aside) I loathe the prospect of a bird distraught. It goes against everything I was taught. My parents put it very well – “Be good to birds, or you’ll go to hell.”
AMBROSE : (Aside) If I had hands, I’d clap with glee. This signor fears upsetting me. His childhood guilt, it haunts him yet. (To Ploppo) Make sure the lemon curd’s thick-set. I cannot bear it thin and runny.
PLOPPO : Are you quite sure you have no money?
AMBROSE : As sure as eggs is eggs, signor. Now do not tarry anymore. Go to the shop and buy me curd, or I shall be a loin-limp bird.
PLOPPO : I will do as you ask and pay for your snack.
AMBROSE : The next scene is called “When Birds Attack!”
For one brief minute I thought that was a photo of Hector Spinkel.
Personally I struggle to understand the point of the question: “Whyfore dost thou want lemon curd?” Who doesn’t, every waking hour of every turgid day of every sad year of their lives feel a desperate need for lemon curd?
I think the overwhelming strength of your desire for lemon curd is blinding you to the question. Of course everyone wants lemon curd, but perhaps some of us want it for different reasons than others; perhaps some treasure its citric tang, others its sweetness, some its almost neon yellowness and others its curdy texture.
Who knows why a bird might want lemon curd though the fact that it does is not in question.
Your reply oozes with curd-like wisdom… I join the ranks of so many fools whose overwhelming desire for lemon curd hath blinded them to great truths..