Courtesy of The Cat’s Meat Shop, some extremely detailed advice on grunting:
Take the baby hand in one of yours. Spread out the hand. Point to the thumb, and say decidedly, yet confidingly –
1. This little pig went to market.” (Grunt and let it be an ordinary pig’s grunt.)
Point to the next finger and say, in the deepest bass you can assume –
2. “This little pig stayed at home.” (Give a morose bass grunt and frown.)
Point to the next finger and say, with an insinuating tone and smile, elevating your eyebrows and bowing –
3. “This little pig had roast beef” (and add three quick little grunts of satisfaction.)
Point to the next finger and say, in a voice just ready to cry –
4. “This little pig had none.” (Give two low grunts of weariness, and look ready to cry.)
Then pointing to the little finger, say very pleasantly, in a shrill, droll voice, laughing meanwhile, “This little pig cried, ‘Tweak! tweak! tweak!'” pinching and twirling the child’s finger gently, as if you had hold of the pig’s tail.
This makes a complete harmless drama of the story of the pigs, and rouses baby’s feelings, sensations and ideas in a healthy manner. Five distinct emotions are raised: 1. Interest; 2. Fear; 3. Pleasure or sympathy; 4. Grief, almost to tears; 5. A sudden reversion to mirth, and “All’s well that ends well,” a great desideratum in baby estimation. We must remember too, that the feelings during babyhood are ephemeral in the extreme, light and evanescent….
Uncaring / Devoting
I usually finish with the little finger pig drinking nineteen bottles of lemonade and going wee-wee-wee all the way home, the ‘wee-wee-wee’ accompanied by tickling. A more uproarious reversion to mirth.
Gaw : Well, that’s how you used to do it, but no doubt you will now be following the correct procedure as clearly laid down.