Roll up, see this pig in the balloon basket!

Any question you have, you must ask it.

Within its brain sparks’ll zag and zig.

It is the Intelligent Aerial Pig.

The balloon is up high so you’ll have to shout

Whatever your query, bawl it out.

The pig will answer as best it is able

And send its reply down the tethering cable.

It taps its trotters on one end of the rope,

Once for “Yes” and twice for “Nope”

I feel the vibrations down here on the ground

And tell you the answer in return for a pound.

I spend all the profits on pigfeed and swill

Bought from the farmyard just past yonder hill.

That’s where the pig has its earthly sty

When not answering questions from its perch in the sky.

So put your query, hand over your cash,

Before the balloon comes down with a crash

The Intelligent Pig will suffer no harm

Or, if it does, I shall smear it with balm.

Balloons tend to plummet if not kept aloft

But all will be well if the landing is soft

That’s why I’ve strewn all these cushions and pillows

Across the fields as far as those willows

The willows that weep, that sob, that bewail

When I end up being carted off to gaol

Accused of being a scoundrel and rotter

Pretending to count the taps of a trotter

There’s no pig up there borne by balloon

It’s as fanciful as the man in the moon

But when I get out from my durance vile

You’ll see that my face bears a glittering smile

I’ve had an idea that’s sure to win big

An invisible intelligent aerial pig.