Roll up, see this pig in the balloon basket!
Any question you have, you must ask it.
Within its brain sparks’ll zag and zig.
It is the Intelligent Aerial Pig.
The balloon is up high so you’ll have to shout
Whatever your query, bawl it out.
The pig will answer as best it is able
And send its reply down the tethering cable.
It taps its trotters on one end of the rope,
Once for “Yes” and twice for “Nope”
I feel the vibrations down here on the ground
And tell you the answer in return for a pound.
I spend all the profits on pigfeed and swill
Bought from the farmyard just past yonder hill.
That’s where the pig has its earthly sty
When not answering questions from its perch in the sky.
So put your query, hand over your cash,
Before the balloon comes down with a crash
The Intelligent Pig will suffer no harm
Or, if it does, I shall smear it with balm.
Balloons tend to plummet if not kept aloft
But all will be well if the landing is soft
That’s why I’ve strewn all these cushions and pillows
Across the fields as far as those willows
The willows that weep, that sob, that bewail
When I end up being carted off to gaol
Accused of being a scoundrel and rotter
Pretending to count the taps of a trotter
There’s no pig up there borne by balloon
It’s as fanciful as the man in the moon
But when I get out from my durance vile
You’ll see that my face bears a glittering smile
I’ve had an idea that’s sure to win big
An invisible intelligent aerial pig.
This is magnificent stuff !