Aztec Fundamentalism

Ye gods and little fishes! It seems you can’t breathe a word about religion these days without being deemed “offensive”. Yesterday’s piece A Weekend With An Owl God brought to my postbag a letter from Stephen Atahualpagreen of Aztec Voice:

Dear Mr Key : I am writing to protest in the strongest possible terms about your slanderous treatment of the Aztec faith. Traducing the name of our night owl god Chalchiuhtecolotl in such disgusting terms is not funny. It is deeply offensive to our most cherished beliefs. Like any other religion, the Aztec faith demands respect in 21st century Britain, which means, among other things, respecting our cultural right to practice a bloody form of human sacrifice on big stone altars. As well as feeling wounded and offended, your attack has also made us angry, and you know what happens when the gods get angry. Please send me your postal address and telephone number so I can publish them on our website and provoke other Aztec believers to exact the retribution which is your due fate.

I did a bit of research into Mr Atahualpagreen. Apparently he sends his children to an Aztec faith school and has successfully applied for government funding to set up something called the Aztec Human Rights Commission.

2 thoughts on “Aztec Fundamentalism

  1. Dear Mr. Key, Please allow me to apologise on behalf of my brethren. Mr. Atauhualpagreen has err been something of a maverick amongst our number, as I suspect you may have realised from the suspiciously Peruvian cadence of his chosen sobriquet (and besides, any fool knows that the mighty Topa Inca (1471 – 1493) could, were time-travel available to the combatants, have knocked seven shades of dung out of Atahualpa with one hand tied behind his back). This fifth columnist has proven himself at odds with our righteous cause for many years, and this act of harrassment represents, I feel, the final straw. Please be assured that a “Mexicatzinco Special” (ref. Fr. Diego Duran, Historia de las Cosas de Nueva Espagna)is winging its way towards his hind quarters, or will be just as soon as dawn breaks and the local horticulturalists have set up shop for the day. I remain your humble servant, pending certain terms and conditions obviously.
    May the hand of Tlahuixcalpantecuhtli remain somewhat wobbly when dealing with your own early morning perambulations.
    Sincerely – Chicoce Mazatl Atltlachinollacatl

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