05.30 Awaken and ablute.
06.00 Breakfast upon bloaters.
06.35 Ponder the pariah status of the Pyrenean Cagots, forced to enter churches through a low door, obliging them to stoop almost to the ground as a perpetual memento of their degradation.
07.45 Paint side of van.
08.45 Take tablets and swill down with milk ‘n’ vinegar mixture.
08.46 Conduct preliminary egg count.
09.00 Listen to “Timetable” by Henry Cowell.
09.03 Impugn crusties.
10.00 Attend goat sacrifice. Stand at the back.
12.30 Rub cutlery in desultory fashion with rags and swarfega and align upon a countertop.
13.00 Burn waxen effigy.
17.00 Accept blandishments from a Cagot.
17.07 Topple from plinth.
17.08 Prepare rhubarb.
17.30 Write notes upon the golden and black striped roofing material of the covered dinghies made by the defunct Dutch dinghy makers Van Der Dax Covered Dinghies N.V.
19.00 Channel Four News with Krishnan Guru-Murthy.
20.00 Lighting up time for the Toc H lamps.
20.30 Throw rhubarb to the cows.
20.45 Attend glittering soirÃ©e. Cause rumpus. Steal decoy duck.
22.00 Check cows and patches of regurgitated rhubarb.
22.45 Ablute and sleep.
Nice to see your up and about again…
A blameless regime, such as that enumerated in the Timetable, is the surest route to complete bodily and mental health.
And all that without resorting to Lemsip.