Fair Stood The Wind For Frank

Yes, there I was standing in a wind tunnel, waiting for the dungareed operative outside to depress the knob which would start the engine. Within seconds of the engine beginning to whirr a mighty wind would be created in the tunnel, and I would be knocked off my feet. This is exactly what happened. Not only was I knocked off my feet, I was hurled along the floor of the wind tunnel until I hit the big cushions at the end. I sprawled there, buffeted and helpless, until the dungareed operative, peeking in through the porthole, saw me and redepressed the knob. The mighty wind that had taken just seconds to reach its full force took rather longer to become becalmed, a minute or so by my reckoning, though I had no watch upon my wrist. As soon as all was still within the wind tunnel, I stood up, gave the cushions a cursory plumping, and returned to my spot. I gestured, with a somewhat effete wave of the hand, to the dungareed operative, who was watching me through the porthole. He then depressed the knob again, I was knocked to the floor and hurled back against the cushions. We repeated the entire process several times.

These were important experiments, as you can imagine. I will be writing up the results and hope to have them published, after peer review, in a suitably authoritative journal, one to which many wind-interested persons subscribe. I may need the assistance of a boffin to help me marshal the data and draw out the pertinent conclusions. I will not ask the dungareed operative, for he is an operative, in purple dungarees, not a boffin nor likely ever to be a boffin. He is happy in his knob-depressing work, and lacks both ambition and wits. The same can be said about me, though I have discovered I have a knack for toppling over and being buffeted into cushions, and I intend to make the most of it. Once my paper has been accepted for publication, I will be heading off, by train or boat, to another wind tunnel, to carry out further important experiments. One must never rest on one’s laurels, even in a wind tunnel.

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