The boy stood on the burning deck whence all but he had fled. He was microcephalic. He had a tiny head. His hat was made of flowers and his coat was made of lead. He fixed his gaze upon the sea and this is what he said:

“I am a tiny-headed boy, alone upon the ocean. My head was of an average size until I drank a potion. I drank it from a pot I found on a shelf upon the poop. A potion recommended on Gwyneth Paltrow’s website, Goop. The ingredients are rain and hail and dew and melted snow, heated on the burning poop deck ’til they are aglow. When it’s hot, you gulp it down and say a little prayer. Oh burning ship! Oh boundless sea! Oh solids, liquids, air! And soon enough you find your head will shrink until it’s tiny. And you stand upon the burning deck and sail across the briny.”

The boy stood on the ship in flames and resolved to say no more. He stared across the sea until he came in sight of shore. And like the potion he had gulped, his spirits were now aglow. Ahead of him lay the coast of the Land of Gwyneth Paltrow!