At time of writing, Krishnan Guru-Murthy has nudged ahead of Yoko Ono in our poll to decide on the luminary most deserving of a complimentary Hooting Yard lapel accoutrement. Could it be, I wonder, that the email I fired off to him at Channel 4 News the other day bore fruit?
Dear Mr Guru-Murthy
You are currently in second place (behind Yoko Ono) in a readers’ poll at Hooting Yard to choose the luminary most deserving of a complimentary Hooting Yard lapel accoutrement. Might I suggest you vote for yourself and encourage others in the Channel 4 newsroom to cast their votes in your favour?
Clearly something is going right, as many of my readers may be under the impression you are a fictional character, and they still vote for you!
Some readers may be appalled by what they see as a morally reprehensible attempt to influence the outcome of the poll. Let me assure these virtuous souls that I fully intend to fire off similar letters to De Botton, Huffington, Tempah, and Ono. But not Balls, for Christ’s sake, not Balls!
Playing with fire here Mr. Key.
What if all Krishnan Guru-Murthy’s work colleagues became jealous and started to pick on him?
Writing rude things on Post-It notes and sticking them to his back.
Stealing his stapler and hiding it in a cistern in the ladies.
Locking his chair in the stock-room.
Bending those little nose bits on his glasses so they look wonky when he’s on television.
Setting up a FaceCloth group called ‘KG-M? Yeah, Right.”
How would you feel then?