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Search Results for: krishnan guru-murthy

The Eerie Cult Of Krishnan Guru-Murthy

Posted on Wednesday, 9 November, 2011 by Frank Key
3

Compare and contrast these two snaps. One shows a trio of carvings from an “Indian cemetery” (reportedly), taken in 1900. The second shows a trio of Channel 4 newsreaders performing a musical number at a charity event (reportedly), taken last … Continue reading →

Posted in Twaddle | 3 Replies

Poptarts Redux

Posted on Thursday, 29 August, 2013 by Frank Key
Reply

Here is the piece I wrote for BlackberryJuniper And Sherbet a couple of weeks ago, reposted here for the sake of The Complete And Utter Mr Key Prose Experience. It is an exciting time in the world of breakfast. I … Continue reading →

Posted in Prose | Leave a reply

Bank Holiday Services At St Bibblybibdib’s

Posted on Monday, 26 August, 2013 by Frank Key
Reply

Masses will be held at St Bibblybibdib’s today as follows: 6.00 AM – Adoration of the Lamb 7.00 AM – Slaughter of the First-Born 8.00 AM – Veneration of the Avant-Garde Japanese Beatle-Wife 9.00 AM – Veneration of the Avant-Garde … Continue reading →

Posted in Prose | Leave a reply

More About Pebblehead’s Typewriter

Posted on Monday, 4 February, 2013 by Frank Key
Reply

The picture of Pebblehead’s typewriter posted yesterday prompted a bulging postbag, with numerous readers clamouring for further particulars of the bestselling paperbackist’s working practices. Among the commoner questions were: How does Pebblehead manage to bash out so many potboilers? How … Continue reading →

Posted in Prose, Shaka Pebblehead | Leave a reply

Hallucinating Hoon Hospital In-Patient’s Diary 27.1.12

Posted on Sunday, 27 January, 2013 by Frank Key
Reply

The diary of a hallucinating in-patient at the Hoon Hospital, on this day one year ago: I woke up this morning with a head full of verse And at once I called out to the stationery nurse “Bring me pencil … Continue reading →

Posted in Diaries, Prose | Leave a reply

On Brains

Posted on Friday, 11 May, 2012 by Frank Key
2

There was a period, in my early teenperson years, when I became an avid reader of the Reader’s Digest. As far as I recall, the younger of my two elder sisters brought a copy into the house. I suppose I … Continue reading →

Posted in Essays, Prose | 2 Replies

Lapel Accoutrement Poll Update

Posted on Tuesday, 26 July, 2011 by Frank Key
1

At time of writing, Krishnan Guru-Murthy has nudged ahead of Yoko Ono in our poll to decide on the luminary most deserving of a complimentary Hooting Yard lapel accoutrement. Could it be, I wonder, that the email I fired off … Continue reading →

Posted in Twaddle | 1 Reply

Lapel Accoutrement Luminary Poll

Posted on Sunday, 24 July, 2011 by Frank Key
2

Here at Haemoglobin Towers there is much whirring and clanking as the finishing touches are put to your favourite book of the year, the annual Hooting Yard paperback. The publication of this mighty tome is imminent, imminent I tell you! … Continue reading →

Posted in Twaddle | 2 Replies

Unhinged By Cream Crackers

Posted on Thursday, 14 July, 2011 by Frank Key
Reply

Dear Mr Key, writes Poppy Nisbet, I have been commissioned to write a book entitled Fifty Anecdotes About Cream Crackers, and to date I have managed to find only two true life cream cracker-related stories which are even mildly entertaining. … Continue reading →

Posted in Prose | Leave a reply

Where Is The Emperor?

Posted on Tuesday, 12 October, 2010 by Frank Key
2

Where is the Emperor? In his bath. Verily, his tub overfloweth. Water scented with bergamot and petunias and lilac cascaded over the side and has formed puddles and streams upon the imperial bathroom floor tiles. Flunkies with mops mop, to … Continue reading →

Posted in Prose | 2 Replies

F

Posted on Tuesday, 21 September, 2010 by Frank Key
Reply

Flares. That’s right, flares. And not just any old flares, but solar flares, up in the heavens, immense and dazzling. Solar flares due to create a space storm that could incapacitate the infrastructure of civilisation on earth. Or, as The … Continue reading →

Posted in A-Z | Leave a reply

Timetable

Posted on Monday, 13 April, 2009 by Frank Key
3

05.30 Awaken and ablute. 06.00 Breakfast upon bloaters. 06.35 Ponder the pariah status of the Pyrenean Cagots, forced to enter churches through a low door, obliging them to stoop almost to the ground as a perpetual memento of their degradation. … Continue reading →

Posted in Prose | 3 Replies

Channel Four News At Schubert’s Grave

Posted on Wednesday, 12 November, 2008 by Frank Key
1

It was the day of the annual Channel Four newsreaders’ outing, and this year it was Katie Razzall’s turn to choose their destination. After much thought, peering out of a window of the studio annexe into the pouring rain, she … Continue reading →

Posted in Prose | 1 Reply

Buttonmaker’s Doldrums

Posted on Thursday, 6 November, 2008 by Frank Key
1

Hepcat buttonmakers Gravelrenche are, I am sorry to say, in the doldrums. For decades, as fashions came and went, Gravelrenche buttons remained impossibly with-it and groovy, favoured by everyone from beatniks to dowager duchesses. Wander as one might from establishment … Continue reading →

Posted in Prose | 1 Reply

Laundry Bag Boy

Posted on Wednesday, 12 December, 2007 by Frank Key
2

I have never been a fan of comic books, nor have I developed a taste for graphic novels. I can admire the skill and inventiveness, but somehow I can’t drum up genuine enthusiasm. Of course, as a child, I had … Continue reading →

Posted in Bees, Ice, Pointy Town, Prose | 2 Replies

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