All together now…
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On the twelfth day of Christmas Old Halob gave to me
Twelve gormless orphans,
Eleven cornflake cartons,
Ten rusty nozzles,
Nine paper sickbags,
Eight tufts of bindweed,
Seven mordant herons,
Six hideous bat gods,
Ecto-oplasm!
Four dead chaffinches,
Three poptarts,
Two cardboard pigs,
And a viper, a shrew and a bee.
On the eleventh day of Christmas Old Halob gave to me
Eleven cornflake cartons,
Ten rusty nozzles,
Nine paper sickbags,
Eight tufts of bindweed,
Seven mordant herons,
Six hideous bat gods,
Ecto-oplasm!
Four dead chaffinches,
Three poptarts,
Two cardboard pigs,
And a viper, a shrew and a bee.
On the tenth day of Christmas Old Halob gave to me
Ten rusty nozzles,
Nine paper sickbags,
Eight tufts of bindweed,,
Seven mordant herons,
Six hideous bat gods,
Ecto-oplasm!
Four dead chaffinches,
Three poptarts,
Two cardboard pigs,
And a viper, a shrew and a bee.
On the ninth day of Christmas Old Halob gave to me
Nine paper sickbags,
Eight tufts of bindweed,
Seven mordant herons,
Six hideous bat gods,
Ecto-oplasm!
Four dead chaffinches,
Three poptarts,
Two cardboard pigs,
And a viper, a shrew and a bee.
On the eighth day of Christmas Old Halob gave to me
Eight tufts of bindweed,
Seven mordant herons,
Six hideous bat gods,
Ecto-oplasm!
Four dead chaffinches,
Three poptarts,
Two cardboard pigs,
And a viper, a shrew and a bee.
On the seventh day of Christmas, Old Halob gave to me
Seven mordant herons,
Six hideous bat-gods,
Ectoplasm!
Four dead chaffinches,
Three poptarts,
Two cardboard pigs,
And a viper, a shrew, and a bee.
On the sixth day of Christmas, Old Halob gave to me
Six hideous bat-gods,
Ectoplasm!
Four dead chaffinches,
Three poptarts,
Two cardboard pigs,
And a viper, a shrew, and a bee.
On the fifth day of Christmas, Old Halob gave to me
Ectoplasm!
Four dead chaffinches,
Three poptarts,
Two cardboard pigs,
And a viper, a shrew, and a bee.
On the fourth day of Christmas, Old Halob gave to me
Four dead chaffinches,
Three poptarts,
Two cardboard pigs,
And a viper, a shrew, and a bee.
On the third day of Christmas, Old Halob gave to me
Three poptarts,
Two cardboard pigs,
And a viper, a shrew, and a bee.
On the second day of Christmas, Old Halob gave to me
Two cardboard pigs,
And a viper, a shrew, and a bee.
Researchers working in the submerged lead-lined silo containing the extant papers of Bobnit Tivol recently fossicked from it a listing of the gifts given to the fictional athlete by his coach, the all too real Old Halob, during one festive season. We will be posting this list – written by fictional athlete Bobnit Tivol himself – in instalments over the coming days. It is recommended that you commit each part to memory, and then you will be delighted to discover that you can sing the complete list to the tune of a well-known Christmas carol. So without further ado, let’s get cracking:
On the first day of Christmas, Old Halob gave to me
A viper, a shrew, and a bee.