Archive for the 'The Twelve Days Of Bobnit Tivol' Category

The Twelve Days : Day Twelve

All together now…

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On the twelfth day of Christmas Old Halob gave to me

Twelve gormless orphans,

Eleven cornflake cartons,

Ten rusty nozzles,

Nine paper sickbags,

Eight tufts of bindweed,

Seven mordant herons,

Six hideous bat gods,

Ecto-oplasm!

Four dead chaffinches,

Three poptarts,

Two cardboard pigs,

And a viper, a shrew and a bee.

The Twelve Days : Day Eleven

On the eleventh day of Christmas Old Halob gave to me

Eleven cornflake cartons,

Ten rusty nozzles,

Nine paper sickbags,

Eight tufts of bindweed,

Seven mordant herons,

Six hideous bat gods,

Ecto-oplasm!

Four dead chaffinches,

Three poptarts,

Two cardboard pigs,

And a viper, a shrew and a bee.

The Twelve Days : Day Ten

On the tenth day of Christmas Old Halob gave to me

Ten rusty nozzles,

Nine paper sickbags,

Eight tufts of bindweed,,

Seven mordant herons,

Six hideous bat gods,

Ecto-oplasm!

Four dead chaffinches,

Three poptarts,

Two cardboard pigs,

And a viper, a shrew and a bee.

The Twelve Days : Day Nine

On the ninth day of Christmas Old Halob gave to me

Nine paper sickbags,

Eight tufts of bindweed,

Seven mordant herons,

Six hideous bat gods,

Ecto-oplasm!

Four dead chaffinches,

Three poptarts,

Two cardboard pigs,

And a viper, a shrew and a bee.

The Twelve Days : Day Eight

On the eighth day of Christmas Old Halob gave to me

Eight tufts of bindweed,

Seven mordant herons,

Six hideous bat gods,

Ecto-oplasm!

Four dead chaffinches,

Three poptarts,

Two cardboard pigs,

And a viper, a shrew and a bee.

The Twelve Days : Day Seven

On the seventh day of Christmas, Old Halob gave to me

Seven mordant herons,

Six hideous bat-gods,

Ectoplasm!

Four dead chaffinches,

Three poptarts,

Two cardboard pigs,

And a viper, a shrew, and a bee.

The Twelve Days : Day Six

On the sixth day of Christmas, Old Halob gave to me

Six hideous bat-gods,

Ectoplasm!

Four dead chaffinches,

Three poptarts,

Two cardboard pigs,

And a viper, a shrew, and a bee.

The Twelve Days : Day Five

On the fifth day of Christmas, Old Halob gave to me

Ectoplasm!

Four dead chaffinches,

Three poptarts,

Two cardboard pigs,

And a viper, a shrew, and a bee.

The Twelve Days : Day Four

On the fourth day of Christmas, Old Halob gave to me

Four dead chaffinches,

Three poptarts,

Two cardboard pigs,

And a viper, a shrew, and a bee.

The Twelve Days : Day Three

On the third day of Christmas, Old Halob gave to me

Three poptarts,

Two cardboard pigs,

And a viper, a shrew, and a bee.

The Twelve Days : Day Two

On the second day of Christmas, Old Halob gave to me

Two cardboard pigs,

And a viper, a shrew, and a bee.

The Twelve Days : Day One

Researchers working in the submerged lead-lined silo containing the extant papers of Bobnit Tivol recently fossicked from it a listing of the gifts given to the fictional athlete by his coach, the all too real Old Halob, during one festive season. We will be posting this list – written by fictional athlete Bobnit Tivol himself – in instalments over the coming days. It is recommended that you commit each part to memory, and then you will be delighted to discover that you can sing the complete list to the tune of a well-known Christmas carol. So without further ado, let’s get cracking:

On the first day of Christmas, Old Halob gave to me

A viper, a shrew, and a bee.