News bulletins often try to add drama to stories by announcing, in excitable tones, “Blizzard Britain – Day Four!” or “Pigeon Crisis – Day Two!” Once in a while, however, such an approach is justified, as it is today, with “Resonance FM – Day Two Thousand Five Hundred!”

We should all throw our hats in the air and cheer at this achievement. Given that on an unlikely number of those days  the station has played host to Hooting Yard On The Air, I ought to take this opportunity to thank the powers that be at the benevolent dictatorship that is Resonance, as well as the many sound engineers who have ensured my babbling is audible to the world.

You can thank them too, by listening and donating and buying things from the shop.

The 2008 Hooting Yard On The Air Christmas Special, a reading of A Portrait Of A Tortoise, Sylvia Townsend Warner’s selected extracts from the Journals of Gilbert White, is now available as a podcast. Go here, click, listen, be awed.

Obsessives may wish to read these brief Hooting Yard posts first.

When the first babblings of Hooting Yard On The Air were heard across the aether almost five years ago, there was different theme music every week. After a while, a panel of experts settled on Caucasian Lullaby by Slapp Happy & Henry Cow to be the definitive theme and so it has remained to this day.

Mindful of the fact that this coming April will see the fifth anniversary of the show, Mr Key has been pondering whether or not to cast tradition aside, in a fit of what may be petulance, and to choose something different to begin the show and to play during those intervals when he stops reading to drink tea or to have a choking spasm. Incapable of making a decision, he is seeking the views of listeners. Please use the Comments here to “have your say”, as they say, even if – or especially if – you are someone who has never commented at Hooting Yard before. Those in favour of a change may wish to suggest an apt piece of music, although Mr Key cannot guarantee he will take the slightest bit of notice.

Whatever the final decision may be, every listener really ought to ensure that they are in possession of their own copy of Desperate Straights, the album from which Caucasian Lullaby is taken, and which is a unique masterpiece. Please purchase it directly from the ReR Megacorp, by clicking here. Now.

Cast your mind back to the sixteenth of January. That was the day I posted an item, under the heading Mrs Snooke’s Tortoise, about Sylvia Townsend Warner’s 1946 book The Portrait Of A Tortoise, where she extracted from the Journals of the 18^th century clergyman Gilbert White all the entries regarding his tortoise, Timothy. I suggested at the time that a reading of this would make a splendid special edition of Hooting Yard On The Air, and lo! it has come to pass. I recorded it this morning, and it will be broadcast on ResonanceFM over the Christmas/New Year fortnight. I am not yet sure of the date, but keep an eye on the schedule and be sure not to miss it.

UPDATE : The programme will be broadcast at 12.20 PM on Boxing Day, December 26th.

Last month I mentioned, in passing, Christopher Smart’s poem Jubilate Agno. I am happy to report that a reading of the complete work, all three hours of it, by Mr Key and the spoken word performer Germander Speedwell, has now been recorded and will be broadcast (and podcast) by Resonance104.4FM on Thursday 27th December at 12 noon GMT. Further details here and here.

UPDATE :  The podcast is permanently available here. I humbly suggest that you download it and set aside three hours every day to listen to it in full.

You all know by now that there are untold hours of the sound of Mr Key babbling into a microphone available from the ResonanceFM Hooting Yard podcast hub. What may not be clear is that this treasure trove of twaddle is made available to you through the tireless work of unsung yet heroic figures who actually have a grasp of whizzbang 21st century technology (unlike Mr Key). So today I want to pay tribute to the current podcast maestro Marvin Suicide, in particular for his choice of photographic illustrations to each programme. This week, for the story Pancake Hints, he has excelled himself. Isn’t this fantastic?

Acknowledgements are also due to the source of the photograph, one Slimmer Jimmer, whose work can be found here.

I forgot to mention earlier that your favourite radio show, Hooting Yard On The Air, is now broadcasting again, live from the gleaming new studios of ResonanceFM. The show is on at the new time of 6.30 PM on Thursday, and is repeated at 1.00 PM on the following Monday. Podcasts will resume shortly, and I will drop a note here when the Podcast Maestro has got that organised.

Over at ResonanceFM there is another fundraising auction. This time bids are invited for two ancient books by Mr Key, House Of Turps and the ludicrously rare The Brink Of Cramp. Both of these were published in the year that Communism collapsed in Eastern Europe, although that may be purely coincidental. For further details, and to make a bid, go here. (You will need to join the Forum if you want to participate.)

The money raised will go direct to ResonanceFM. Should you wish to add to Mr Key’s own paltry coffers, you can of course buy Befuddled By Cormorants or make a donation. Simply click over there on the right.

Here is another opportunity for readers to help save ResonanceFM. Let me just point out that the station’s financial circumstances are dismal and Your Help Is Needed.

A collection of rarities by (or including) your favourite Hooting Yardist is going up for auction. Many of these items predate the Wilderness Years (1993-2002), and this may be your only chance to obtain such gems as Sidney The Bat Is Awarded The Order Of Lenin.

So get out your wallet and make your bid!

UPDATE : The closing date is 21st February at 11.59 a.m. and the current highest bid is £120.

FURTHER UPDATE : The winning bid was £150, and the lucky recipient was someone using the pseudonym ‘mustardplaster’. Many thanks to them, on behalf of Resonance.

The world’s finest radio station, Resonance104.4FM, is in urgent need of funding. You can help the station remain on air by sponsoring next week’s Hooting Yard On The Air show, to be broadcast (live as ever) at 4.00 PM on Wednesday 14 February. Here is how it works:

1. Go to Resonance and donate a minimum of £5.

2. You may now choose a sentence, a phrase, a string of words, or a name to be incorporated into a specially-written story which will feature on next week’s show.

3. Send your chosen words to me at hooting.yard@googlemail.com, and voila!, it’s as simple as that.

4. After reading the story, I will recite the names of the donors (unless anonymity is preferred).

5. Now follow Step 1, immediately!