On The Sea
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Let us conduct an experiment. I would like you to make a mental list of, say, three or four of the most awful things you can possibly imagine. Do not stint, do not shy away from the power of your … Continue reading
Search Results for: "the grunty man"
On The Beast
Over the weekend I watched a modicum of Olympickery on the box. One thing that struck me was that I counted no fewer than three separate competitors, in three separate disciplines, each of whom, the commentators informed me, was nicknamed … Continue reading
On Dumbing Down
Ipsy dipsy doo. Pipsy popsy pap. Which is by way of saying I have been giving very careful thought to the dumbing down of Hooting Yard. It has always been my fondest wish, indeed my determination, that each and every … Continue reading
Grunty And Grundy
When I was telling you how to make a life-size wolf out of marzipan, I pointed out that it made a splendid teatime treat for both one’s extended family and for smaller kinship grouplets. This prompted a letter from Miss … Continue reading
I Lost My Rag
I was at a swish cocktail party some time ago, dapper in my duds, leaning against a mantelpiece, when I overheard a snatch of conversation. One chap told another chap how he had lost his rag. My ears pricked up. … Continue reading
Lars And Maud
Lars and Maud went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Lars fell down and clonked his crown and Maud came tumbling after. They rolled and tumbled further down, tumbling pell mell, ‘Til they came bumping to a … Continue reading
The Mysterious Crate
This intriguing snapshot was taken exactly one hundred tears ago today in the Big Hangar At Pointy Town, a big hangar in Pointy Town. We can see a number of people, now all dead, standing or milling about, and, with … Continue reading
An Horrible Gnashing
Forgive me for returning to Pliny’s Natural History yet again. Here (in Philomen Holland’s English translation of 1634) he is surely describing the tribe or grouplet which spawned the Grunty Man: “Tauron writeth, That the Choromandae are a savage and … Continue reading
A Cautionary Tale
It gurgled, then it swept away. What it was I could not say. I saw it in a looking-glass, just after a mesmeric pass. The medium’s hands passed down my spine, moving in a plumb straight line. I glanced into … Continue reading
Pre-Glacial Grunty Man
“Snow! Gor had traveled far, but never had he seen a storm like this with white cold in the air. Again a shiver that was part fear rippled through his muscles and gripped with invisible fingers at his knotted arms. … Continue reading
Writer-In-Residence
The people of Pointy Town were once asked, in a referendum, if they wanted William S Burroughs as their writer-in-residence. Sensibly, they rejected him, arguing en masse that he was a gun-toting drug-addled nincompoop who took himself far too seriously … Continue reading
Pang Hill, Potatoes, And Grunting
Well, stap my chives, what a day! Those of you who have studied the comments posted under the Book O’ Days postage will know that today is both Potato Day and Grunting Day. That being so, I set my alarm … Continue reading
Being A True Account Of The Discovery Of The Tomb Of Anaxagrotax
Be it known that on the fourteenth day of the month of March in the year of picklings last, MR THUBB, the Hon. Secretary of the Pointy Town chapter of the Tuesday Weld Fan Club, hired a charabanc for the … Continue reading
Songs My Mother Taught Me
My mother had a tin ear and a voice like a corncrake. In spite of these shortcomings, she saw it as her maternal duty to teach me a number of songs. I do not think she hoped that one day … Continue reading
Three Cans Of Squelcho!
Astute reader Roland Clare reminds me that the soft drink sloshed all over the canteen table by the narrator of Impugned By A Peasant was the subject of an Andy Warhol painting. Three Cans Of Squelcho! (1966) recently fetched untold … Continue reading